"The Beauty Beneath Our Feet"

Here is what I feel true love is like and will be like. It was written by an amazing author named Josh Riebock, but I changed some of the words around to show how I one day hope to feel, mutually, to my future husband.

Before you, everything was merely an overture. My life started the day we met. Were you cruel for taking so long to show up? Or was I impatient for wanting you to get here sooner? Maybe, but waiting has always been a hassle that I try to avoid.

I like playing card games a little too much, and I tend to worry more in the winter. I will always love pretending and using my imagination. I round almost everything off in my head. I love finding the harmony to any & every song. I like learning things fast, but that often means I don't master it when I learn it.

Will we learn anything by doing it quickly?

It's true-I'm guilty of running into your arms. But also guilty of hoping that, once I'm there, the sun won't set. I'm guilty of wanting to be pulled off the train tracks by you. And guilty too of wanting to lie down with you in puddles of leftover rain. I'm guilty of biking through town, arms in the air, shouting your name. And just as guilty of pausing long enough to collect the words as they spin to the ground, like sleeping leaves from lullaby trees--

Maybe paradise is always somewhere else. Or maybe we're all blind to the beauty beneath our feet. Could Eden be hidden within us right now?

I can't resist a good heart. How many flaws does it take to make me a bad person? And is anyone humble enough to decide? Perfection is boring. I guess that makes us a pair of weirdo outsiders-- I wouldn't want it any other way.

You don't mind if people stare, do you? I love being different, out of the box, weird, crazy, calm, sad, happy, teasing, funny, excited, bored, with you. Overall, I just love being with you.

Few things in life are ever decided. The purpose of the old is determined by our actions in the new. True, my past is no beauty queen, but its got lots of personality. And since the beginning, you've always been eager to pull up the rug of my skin, savor what you find underneath, and show me that today can be just as hopeful as tomorrow.
 

You can find the actual excerpt at Josh's (not a) blog. Wonderful, really. You should also buy his book, Heroes and Monsters. It is my favorite book, written by my favorite author.

A Walk in the Park

My dog is a hunter dog.

No, not for people, or for most animals. Mostly he hunts for smells, and birds. Of course, the birds idea is a pipe dream; so alot of the time he just sniffs his way through bushes, leaves, and dirt.

He's definitely not one of those dogs who just walks along with you without any stops. He's a perfectly trained and well-behaved puppy, he is just curious and gets disctracted very easily. About 3 times every passing minute he must stop to either smell this bush, rustle these pile of leaves, or pee on this tree.

Unless he's doing the latter of those options, I usually lose my patience about after 40 seconds and yank on his leash. It'd be nice to just go on a simple walk with my dog, without any stops or hesitations. Sometimes I just can't seem to wait for him- I've gotta pull him to catch up with me.

As we went on one of our longer walks yesterday, I put myself in Pluto's (my dog's) perspective for a moment. I'd be a heck of a lot more curious than he about the world around me, or what could possibly be in those bushes. My owner would choke me constantly with all the stops I'd want to make.

It made me think of my faith lately. I've been stopping and getting distracted, sniffing through other elements that remain dust compared to God (less than dust, in reality). I let questions of mine, doubt, and fear have me almost run into the street. Good thing God's got a tight grip.

And it's also a good thing that God is patient with me. He doesn't yank on my leash or threaten me to move along or walk faster. He sits and waits patiently for me to notice Him again, and follow Him completely.

Today is Thanksgiving.

One thing I am certain I am thankful for is that God is patient and loving. He knows what is best for me, and even when I get entangled in bushes that don't matter whatsoever; He waits for me to come back to Him.

In general, I am thankful that He waits. So... what else could we do but wait for Him?

Psalm 27:14

"Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart: wait, I say, on the Lord."

A Very Special Audition

There was a small town named Burough Ken in the rustic county called Peep Hole that resided in the hidden parts deep in Southern California. In fact, if you passed it on route 66, the only sure way of knowing you're entering the town is if you see the sign- because if you blink, you'll miss it! "Welcome to Burough Ken, Peep Hole!" it read.

One day, the city recreational team decided to put on a very special musical for all the town to see. The Director wanted to spread a special message across to all the people, a message of love, faith, hope, and more. He needed to pick just the right person to lead the rest of the cast to clearly bring this message across to the people of Burough Ken. So, the city recreational team carried on to put on auditions for the cast- but, most importantly- the lead role.

The line was out the recreational center's door as people lined up to audition for this special play. The hopeful auditioners would complete an application that questions their experience, talents, and what part they hoped for in the musical.

The first person to audition walked in through the doors, past the judge panel, and onto the stage.

"Hello Becky!" the Director chimed. It was almost as if he had known her for a while, when in reality this was their first meeting. "Are you excited to audition for this very special musical?"

"Why yes," she smiled and nodded. "Yes I am."

The Director smiled and nodded back at her. Then, he proceeded to quickly cut to the chase. "What kind of role would you hope for in the musical?"

"In all honesty, I would love to be a dancer. I'm not good at acting, and I'm pretty much tone deaf. I think I'd be best as a dancer."

The Director understood, then scribbled something down onto the clipboard in front of him. "Alright. Thank you for coming to audition for the musical." And he looked right up at her.

Becky shot a confused glare at the Director. "That's it?"

"That's it," he replied, as if there was nothing strange about his statement.

She stood silent and awkward for a moment. "You don't want me to dance, or even sing a piece of a song?"

He shook his head. "Don't worry, you're in the play. You're good to go."

Becky walked off the stage, eyes squinted, reciting the strangeness that had just happened in her head a couple times through.

Next came Richard. When the Director asked what Richard was hoping to be in the play, he was distinctly honest.

"Well, Director, I want to be the lead," he confessed. "I think I have what it takes- dancing, singing, acting, whatever you need; I've got it."

The Director nodded his head. "Interesting. Well, you're in."

The seemingly-experienced Richard was appalled by the simplicity of the audition. "You're kidding... aren't you? You really trust me enough that what I'm telling you is true?"

"Sure," the Director explained, eyes focused on the notes he was scribbling. "You in the play. You may leave now."

Richard stormed off the stage frustrated and confused; having prepared a monologue complete with dancing, singing, and acting that would display his capability- all for nothing.

Auditions went quickly with the Director's special process of the matter. About a hour into the tryouts, a young man came in to audition. He held his head straight forward while giving the Director his full attention- the Director could tell he was a bit nervous, but was not thinking of himself at all. All of his energies were directly on the Director.

"Hello," the Director scanned the young man before him, knowing something was different about this character. "Welcome to the tryouts for the musical. If you could have the role of any part of the musical, what would you be?"

The young man cleared his throat and paused for a moment as he thought.

"Well, Director-" he began, "- I want to be whatever you want me to be."

The Director's eyes enlarged and studied the young man. "Truthfully?"

"Yes," the young man concluded. "I want to be what you want me to be. You know what's best for me and that's all that matters."

"Even if I made you a tree who had no dancing, no lines, and no singing whatsoever?"

The young man nodded. "You know what's best for me."

The Director was truly amazed. All this time, the people who auditioned came in having something they wanted or expected. They assumed that they themselves knew what was best for them, or even that they knew better than the Director, when they came into audition. But this young man- he gave full privilege to the Director to decide his future in the musical and what was best for him. The young man surrendered any knowledge he had of himself and gave full trust to the Director.The Director knew exactly what would be best for this young man.

The Director smiled very largely and clapped his hands together. "Well, I think what's best for you is if you had the lead role, my friend!"

The Cake on my Hands

Today my 4 year old niece accidentaly put her hand in some of her mom's baby shower cake. She felt really bad and apologized to her mom, who is my sister. Then my sister replied, "It's okay, sweetie. Don't worry about it." And then, my neice began to cry.

Why would my neice choose to cry? Maybe she didn't even choose to, rather; it just out poured from her. Maybe she felt so thankful that her mom would forgive her so easily that all she could do was show her deepest emotion she knows/understands- crying.

I couldn't help after hearing my other sister explain this story to me but think of how representative my neice was of a Christ-follower. We as humans can be so wretched, so broken, so imperfect, and mess up twenty-thousand-trillion times; and in return to our mistakes, other humans look down on us, scoff us off, judge us, and hang pictures of our faces in the "wall of shame" they've built in their minds.

But Jesus was like my sister- actually, my sister was like Jesus- and completely forgaves and puts aside whatever mistakes we feel like we've made or whatever way we've messed up.

Lately my small group has been getting into why we believe what we believe. Sometimes I honestly cannot answer this question fully, in fact; it has been difficult for me to answer it lately. I have grown up in a Christian home, so it's easier to believe in Jesus then to not.

But there is one thing I know for certain and feel firm in in my faith:

if there is a love that exists beyond the measuring systems, universe, and the comprehension abilities we attains as humans, and this love is for me, and not just me, but everyone in the world;

then why would I want to reject it?

and if there are times when I make mistakes I constantly regret and people take note of it and make judgements of me, yet there remains a God who only wants what is best for me and will forgive me no matter what I do,

then why would I want to reject it?

I've stuck my hand in the cake far too many times; yet, God always kneels down to my level to make sure I know He still has mercy and grace waiting for me to embrace, hold and cling to forever.

Salvation and Pain Go Hand in Hand

 

Today was a great day.

And I can honestly say, today I cried tears of sadness and confusion; but it was still a great day.

Everyone has at least one question they will never be able to answer. Say that you can't stop thinking about that question. Say that your question has started eating at you, and that your question won't leave you alone until you're either sure of yourself or you're completely the opposite-- alot of times it's the latter, unfortunately.




So you pull into the school parking lot at around 7 and eat your special K with a Yogurtland spoon and pray. You keep having dreams about your question, your question persisting and pressuring you to find an answer. Ugh! It's almost seemingly choking you. So you pray to God, saying you want to find fulfillment and truth and satisfaction in Him alone; not in a question's answer. He gives you encuoragement and you even end up writing a poem about it.

Then he gives you various other blessings throughout the day, and you start to think to yourself, "Psh! Who needs the answer to that silly question anyway? Not this guy/girl!" And you drive home singing worship songs.



You still feel on top of the world. You take a good power nap with no dreams about the question at all, and then you go jogging with your adorable dog playing more worship songs. And, it's beautiful outside!

Then, comes night time. And suddenly, the question starts feeding at you again. At first it's not so bad, but then it gets worse. You see how much you think you need an answer, and it eventually takes a bite out of you. It hurts to not know what's going to happen. It hurts to hold on to the past.

So, you cry. You just want to let go and let God, so what is stopping you? Why won't the hurt and the fear and trembling go away?




Then, as your mother is hugging you, you see a quote that is taped on the front of your door. You supposedly taped it up yourself, but maybe it was God's doing instead.

It read:

". . .work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose."

And then your worry melted away. Funny, once you realized fear and doubt help you reach salvation (the definition of salvation, mind you, is: preservation or deliverence from harm, ruin, or loss) that's when it went away.


It's okay to fear, to question, to doubt, to wonder. That is how we accumulate and see God's grace. That quote on your door was God telling you you're not supposed to feel perfect inside. You are going to have to live life with dark feelings sometimes; but it will make you stronger, and if you don't let them get to you, it will bring you closer to Him.

And then you lived happily ever after. <> 

Fear of Quantity: Megalaphobia

Here's a weird riddle:

what is an element that society both adores and looks down upon? and this can honestly be said for all individuals.

Big things.

Someone might think a certain body size is too big, but they want the biggest screen tv...

Ugh, this book we have to read for school is too BIG, we don't want to read it. But we want a BIG amount of money..

This problem is way too BIG. But I do want a BIG amount of comfort, security, and acceptance.

I guess it only makes sense for humanity to want a big amount of the positive things in this life, and a small amount of the negative.

But what makes the most sense is how scared we are of the quantity.

We run away from the size of the negative, thinking that if we have a huge size of the positive; all of our problems will be solved.

Because, in all truth; big things scare us. You can ponder the obvious: dinosaurs, bullies, maybe getting lost in the ocean as a child.

And here is the blunt point of this blog post: God overcomes all sizes. All sizes of problems, attachments, materials, the world, the universe, this life. The biggest thing you could possibly imagine with the dimensions of your human mind, are just a speck of sand in God's hands.

New International Version (NIV)

³³ “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”~ John 16:33

Society may worship big, and society may burn and beat big; but no matter what we do, God has big plans for each big thing in our life.

Devocated.

If you've been to at least one small group at a church or religious facility, you've probably heard of the word "devotional".

The literal definition for the word "devotional" is "Of, relating to, expressive of, or used in devotion, especially of a religious nature."

In these church/small group settings, what they call devotionals is usually what helps people to study the Bible more-- it could even be thought of as a guidline. Worksheets might be handed out with a Bible verse or topic and questions to follow what the verse or topic really means, for example. There are also devotional books to help people understand the Bible (if you have to read a book to understand another book; you KNOW something must be important about BOTH of the books! :).

But never in my life until today have I realized that the word "devotion" is in the word "devotional".

I guess it just slips my mind when I'm in church, or in a small group setting. When I think "devotional", I go back to worksheets and books about THE Book. Never once did it occur to me that devotion is in devotional.

de·vo·tion

[ di vṓsh'n ]

1. committed love: deep love and commitment
2. dedication: great dedication and loyalty
3. enthusiasm: strong enthusiasm and admiration for somebody or something

Synonyms: attachment, love, fondness, affection, commitment, adoration

Reading this definition helps bolden what a devotional really is, or at least the purpose of devotionals. These authors of the thousands of different types of devotionals thrive (if they have the best of intentions) to help the reader become devoted to Christ Jesus.

When I think of devoted, I think of dedicated. But obviously, the word "dedicated" lacks something that "devotion" has. under the synonyms for devotion you will see love, affection, adoration. It is dedication with LOVE in it. Love alone IS devotion, and vice versa. You can be dedicated to finishing a homework assignment, but are you so in love with homework that you are DEVOTED to it?

I try to read my Bible each morning. Emphasis on try. I try to pray to God everyday. I try to be dedicated to these things as a Christ follower. But do I have the DEVOTION in my heart? Does my love for God motivate me to do more than just read and pray because I'm dedicated? You can easily read the Bible and whisper words to God, but I truly believe you will find yourself doing these things more and more repeatedly and enjoying these things in joy more and more repeatedly if you hold on to a devotion to God-- which soon becomes YOUR devotion to God--being dedicated to Him in love rather than just being dedicated to Him the way you cannot turn in a late homework assignment.

This might seem like I am trying to make a problem where there is none-- "devotion? Dedication? There isn't much of a difference..."-- but so much more joy, understanding, and nearness of Christ will be found once we all turn away from being dedicated to SUnday mornings, Wednesday nights, the youth rooms we recognize and feel comfortable in, and the stage we face as we worship and listen to sermons and turn to being devoted to Christ Jesus; and letting THAT be the reason why we are dedicated to the rest of those things. (I totally wasn't saying being dedicated to those things are wrong, but if we get caught up in those things and forget our love for God-- the reason we're dedicated to those things in the first place-- then honestly, what is the point of all of those things?)

And as I type these things, i am honestly not only typing this for whoever in the world reads this blog but hugely for myself as I struggle with this constantly.

May we always understand and remember why we worship, go to church, and use devotionals-- to be devoted in love and worship to our amazing Father.

 And may His perfect love for you and your love for Him be your motivation in your devtion.