Here's to the Memories

I found the letter that you never read
The birthday card you never signed
The laughter, hope, friendship, GOOD
all of those that you left behind

The approval that I never felt
The efforts that you didn't see
The cold stares that would never melt
The heart that you once gave to me

Opinions that would never match
The relationship that never became
Yet somehow I can't dis-attach
Yet somehow I'm the one to blame

I feel shut down, closed off, when you're near
Yet I just can't seem to stay away
I'll let you speak your views oh dear
But of course mine are just child's play

I am too innocent, don't know as much
Praise to your dear wisdom and knowledge, right?
Then tell me, even though I feel closed off by you
why I have cared about you for 5 years tonight?

And why is it that my attempts now
Are about as bullet proof as I am to your gun?
I guess you're more appealing than me,
I guess you just seem more fun

My whole heart is entangled for you all.
I love you with a love I can't explain.
I sit here and get beaten for being myself,
and still this love I can't contain.

Maybe it's time to close up shop.
Maybe it's time I move out of town.
Hope on a plane, out of state of of mind
Find new stars to watch and be around.

So I still haven't told you where all these things are
That never happened, that you never did.
I have to admit, it was hard to see them
It's a pretty dark place, where they all hid.

But once I held them to the light,
and saw what worth and value they were-
I saw there wasn't any, not to my heart-
I saw it was time to mature.

What I value and need is love and encouragement,
which I understand everyone gives in different ways.
But I need to know and believe in our love
and I need to know it for all my days.

There are people out there who really love me
people who really do care
I would like to think you're all in that same group
But if I'm not sure, than I won't dare.

i KNOW you do. I really do.
I guess it can often be blurred
By the constant shutdowns and shoos and more
I'm surprised this heart has endured...

I am grateful for you, and you and you
and I will always love you so.
But unless I FEEL love come this way
I don't think our friendships will grow.

Please call me if you want to hang out.
Please write, or talk, or respond.
I'll be on a boat, sailing afloat
My God-blessed friendships pond.

It's a beautiful place where I feel very loved
by friends who encourage and engage.
I never feel undermined, unwanted, or such;
I never feel pushed or enraged.

God has your heart, and He has mine.
I always pray the best for you all.
I love you all with my entire heart.
If you ever want a piece of it, just call.