left and right

there's always that one class, where you either pass them in the morning because the students of the class are being wheeled into the room at around 7 or you see them on testing schedule because they open their door during a certain period but you're half way across campus by the time that happens. you can't help but feel bad for them because their hands are tangled up in- well, themselves. and their faces show true cluelessness (is that a word?) of the conditions they're in. and the lades rolling them around, you feel kinda bad for them too. just because what a tough job that must be, emotionally, to see these 17 18 19 year old kids but feed and teach them like they are 1-2 year olds.

and then you walk to your first few classes, and you laugh because you're friend and you call eachother retards periodically but of course you don't mean it. sometimes you guys even toss around the whole "you belong in a special eds class!" ordeal. and then when the special ed classes get brought up, some of the students call them retards, and you feel a little sting from that and a thought comes to your mind: "you are what you call other people." or even "i know you are, but what are they?"

could it be possible. just think about it for a second. could it be possible that, in this world, God has put who-knows-how-many people on this planet. and a fraction of them have downs, or are in special ed classes. and in doing this, humans have confused over time the people that are truly "retards" or truly have the dissability?

because think about it. i look at a girl walking across a bathroom stall i prepare to enter. she throws me a "how are you?" i say "good!". would anyone else even give me eye contact in the bathroom? look at how happy they are. they see life so simply, like in the eyes of a child, and from what i've observed it feels like they don't spend alot of time dwelling on the problems of life and the issues of today.

where as, the person calling someone else a retard, has struggled with depression various times in her life and at time blurs her own vision from seeing what she is so blessed with in her life because she is so caught up with what is not good or perfect in her life. and look at HER health, look at HER normal body and face, and she is not even close to what the "touched" girl on the LEFT looks like.

the girl on the LEFT and the girl on the RIGHT, they make me wonder. could the "normal" people really be the retarded ones? because of our negativity, because of our focus on the issues and what's the flukes in every blessing? whereas people like the girl on the left are actually the ones who get it right and understand how to really live life because they are joyful, abundantly happy, and look at life in a simple and uncomplicated matter. we could really learn a lot from them.

the girl on the right is the real retard, huh? the girl on the left is the real one who knows what's up.

by the way, i'm the girl on the right.

"oh envelopes, stuffed with feelings found, to write this down in means to reconcile"

cool idea. starting to write letters to notes to myself. on what? life. in a way i'm not just writing to myself though. someone else is reading them too.

and sometimes that someone will be you! this is one of those times.

w/ love. chriSSy z

a letter.

Dear Chrissy,

You know, there are some things that just happen for a reason. There are some things you just need to forgive yourself about and forget. Decisions you make, maybe later you regret those decisions more than anything. But they are there for a reason. Something else was meant to happen to you. Something better.

Live life. Regret nothing! Give THANKS. Surround yourself with love, surround others with love. There was a reason for the decisions you've made. All for the better, my friend.

God loves you so much. And you love Him so much too..

And don't forget, you're only fifteen.

Love, Christina

"(Blank) Beginnings"

Hey guys, the funniest thing happened to me last night.
I was having a terrible time going to sleep. But I came up with an idea which I have no idEA how it came to my head but iit just did (this happens sometimes in the middle of the night.) But I got this idea to form a new blog about (blank.) Don't know what I mean? Check it out here, I really encourage you to, it could help you to see life in a different and new perspective:

http://itspagesareblank.blogspot.com/2011/04/beginnings.html


Thanks. Happy blogging,
Chrissy Z

"Tomorrow's Song"

Tomorrow's Song
_______________
I want to live tomorrow
Stop feeling drowned in sorrow
But the silver lining’s gone.

Because I can only see
Silver oceans in front of me
Weaving out an old familiar song:
(chorus)
Dreamer, dancer, singer, chancer
Do all those things today
Soon your balloon of opportunity will uncut from your wrist
And surely fly away

The balloon’s in a tree
Yelling “minstrels! Set me free!”
Please don’t feel so wrong!

Climb up in it’s leaves
And befriend all it’s thieves
And sing to it tomorrow’s song!
(chorus)

So I won’t settle for
Waiting around for my time to say
“It’s ready, open the door”
I say, I’ll open the door today!!

But the reason, we sing tomorrow’s song
Is to keep the hope going fresh and new
So keep singing, and keep bringing
All the faith and life you have inside of you!!!
(chorus)

when flowers gaze at you, they're not the only ones

"Boston" By Augustana.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ASJBXu8tNo

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
You said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
You said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain...
Oh yeah and I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah...

Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Boston...
No one knows my name.
_________________________________________________

i don't think i'd want to go to boston though. i don't mind chino hills. but i yearn for somewhere new. somewhere by the beach maybe. or with lots of green. i need a change of scenery. some new form of excitement. meet someone new. meet someones new. i refuse to ask anyone to change unless they know what they need to change. why would i do that when i have so many things to change within myself? a change of direction. sure, there are variables in my life that will never change. like certain friends, my family, and God. but life, life is so temporary. those variables are the only things that are not. everything else, i see things sparking change within other things, and i think maybe it's a call. "Hello Chrissy. i am giving you tests. and if you pass you can move on. then things will change. always for the better, i tell you; even if it seems like it's for the worse. new people will enter. old people will re-enter. you will start spending weekday nights elsewhere maybe. or maybe you'll stay. but I've got it all under control, my daughter. as for now take these words and pray for others. and for yourself."

i think God lives in Boston... i think God lives everywhere

mushing musings

should i start this post off with a question?

monday musings.

one. to be, or not to be? to write, or not to write and sing instead? to study the bible, or to write and not sing instead? that is the question. journalism, or not to journalism and choir instead? choir, or not to choir and bible class instead? what does HE want.

two. why does canned laughter on television shows exist. really. these kids watch disneychannel thinking if they say or do something funny then HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA everyone's gonna laugh. then they go out and try to imitate disneychannel and they get made fun of instead. from experience my friends.

three. feelings, attractions in general,are like roller coasters. at first your roller coaster starts out slow, nice and easy. then it completley stops. then you feel all your feelings at full impact, slapping every part and centimeter in and out of your body. i think that's teenage hormones in general. but attraction, yes.

four. you make us compare and contrast in school, as a teenage i took this and did it to myself ! i make life a venn diagram with other individuals ! but little do i see that in the part of the diagram we share there is a word written down: "jealousy." (it might be leaning more towards my fraction of the diagram though.)

five. i even go to the extent of drawing a venn diagram of my life with the movies.

six. word of God speak, would you pour down like rain?

seven. PsAlMs haha when i was little i got "psalms" and "palm sunday" mixed up.

and should i end this post off with a question?