Real Music

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C_CDLBTJD4M&feature=player_embedded

Bach's Cantata 147, "Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring." This, my friends, is real music. Phenominal. I don't even know what to say except maybe with minds like these their is hope after all. Please watch,

all my love
Chrissy Z

My Father and the Coach

We are running a race,
and your a bit ahead
I am stumbling to catch up
to you,
I am spinning in circles
biting my tongue
flapping my arms hoping that
maybe I can fly in the end
to catch up
to you,
thinking maybe if I meet you
at the end of the race
that'll show what I'm really worth,
to not only you but to myself.
when you tell me congratulations
shake my hand, then my brain,
then my heart
that'll show what I'm really worth
to not only you but myself
and for right now you are
a blinded coach,
you don't know you're
coaching me
but the truth is
I don't even know where
or when
this race ends,
I'm just following you.

But in the back
of my mind, there is
a truth
that I know.
My Father said not
to follow other coaches
without His consent.
I've rejected coaches before,
maybe I've rejected you before?
Oh Father,
I don't know if he'll really
coach me correctly,
should I really be
trying to catch up to this
blinded coach?
Do you yearn for me to even
follow after you, oh coach?
Would you capture me
if I tripped on the track
with bruises and scrapes
dripping down my back?

My Father seems to always know the
answers,
and today I asked Him what I should
do, and He told me
dearie, why are you running and stumbling
over your own feet for only the purpose
of catching up?
Don't you know coaches come and go,
and this one may seem very special,
(that's because he is very special),
but he is not the only coach;
one day a coach will come
who actually wants to teach,
to train you.
Maybe this coach will want to someday,
but for now, you can walk it out.
Maybe he'll stop and wait for you,
maybe someone else will come and
yearn to teach you and guide you
to the finish line,
and maybe you'll yearn for him
to teach you too.
But the truth is, my dear;
there is no need to run,
because this life is not even
a race.
Run as if it is! Yes, of course.
But not just to catch up
to other people, not just
to compare yourself to others
and not just to catch up
to others so they can compliment
your technique.
Go at your own pace,
and one day a coach will come after you
instead of vice versa
and encourage you.
This life,
in that sense,
is not a race..

Chasing Only the Skies

Chasing Only the Skies, by yours truly

That song of ours won't stop playing,
'twas my yielding sign to pull over and keep praying.
I come to the stop and close my eyes tightly,
Then I clasp my fingers around eachother lightly.
I see pitch black and not much more,
I never really knew what was ever in store.
I stare out my window after saying some words,
I walk along the trail with the heavy-songed birds.
These people and faces do know my name,
but even I don't know why I'm not the same
As the girl you and everyone else once knew,
Life gets less simpler when I'm aging with you.
Life is a chase, but direction is key;
should I chase you or you chase me?
Sometimes I'd like to believe I can close my eyes
and run anywhere I want, chasing only the skies
and what people believe to be living in them,
and when this life ends, living inside its jem.
Why so quiet when we talk about these things?
Why so emotional when there aren't even stings?
Why so hidden and kept behind?
Why so hidden inside of your mind?
What happened to the spark when we sang songs?
Why so many trips,falls,and wrongs?
Why so beautiful in the end,
Why still yearning to be my friend?
Why so critical, telling me to stop?
Why do we let our hearts stir 'til they POP!
Why do we spend so much of our days
on acting and crying and dying in plays
we think we'll be flipping about for the rest of ever
but right after the play, the script we cannot remember?
Call the answer what you want, some call it sin
some call it fate, some call it human
in the end tis not important what it is called,
it is important into who's arms we will then fall.

left and right

there's always that one class, where you either pass them in the morning because the students of the class are being wheeled into the room at around 7 or you see them on testing schedule because they open their door during a certain period but you're half way across campus by the time that happens. you can't help but feel bad for them because their hands are tangled up in- well, themselves. and their faces show true cluelessness (is that a word?) of the conditions they're in. and the lades rolling them around, you feel kinda bad for them too. just because what a tough job that must be, emotionally, to see these 17 18 19 year old kids but feed and teach them like they are 1-2 year olds.

and then you walk to your first few classes, and you laugh because you're friend and you call eachother retards periodically but of course you don't mean it. sometimes you guys even toss around the whole "you belong in a special eds class!" ordeal. and then when the special ed classes get brought up, some of the students call them retards, and you feel a little sting from that and a thought comes to your mind: "you are what you call other people." or even "i know you are, but what are they?"

could it be possible. just think about it for a second. could it be possible that, in this world, God has put who-knows-how-many people on this planet. and a fraction of them have downs, or are in special ed classes. and in doing this, humans have confused over time the people that are truly "retards" or truly have the dissability?

because think about it. i look at a girl walking across a bathroom stall i prepare to enter. she throws me a "how are you?" i say "good!". would anyone else even give me eye contact in the bathroom? look at how happy they are. they see life so simply, like in the eyes of a child, and from what i've observed it feels like they don't spend alot of time dwelling on the problems of life and the issues of today.

where as, the person calling someone else a retard, has struggled with depression various times in her life and at time blurs her own vision from seeing what she is so blessed with in her life because she is so caught up with what is not good or perfect in her life. and look at HER health, look at HER normal body and face, and she is not even close to what the "touched" girl on the LEFT looks like.

the girl on the LEFT and the girl on the RIGHT, they make me wonder. could the "normal" people really be the retarded ones? because of our negativity, because of our focus on the issues and what's the flukes in every blessing? whereas people like the girl on the left are actually the ones who get it right and understand how to really live life because they are joyful, abundantly happy, and look at life in a simple and uncomplicated matter. we could really learn a lot from them.

the girl on the right is the real retard, huh? the girl on the left is the real one who knows what's up.

by the way, i'm the girl on the right.

"oh envelopes, stuffed with feelings found, to write this down in means to reconcile"

cool idea. starting to write letters to notes to myself. on what? life. in a way i'm not just writing to myself though. someone else is reading them too.

and sometimes that someone will be you! this is one of those times.

w/ love. chriSSy z

a letter.

Dear Chrissy,

You know, there are some things that just happen for a reason. There are some things you just need to forgive yourself about and forget. Decisions you make, maybe later you regret those decisions more than anything. But they are there for a reason. Something else was meant to happen to you. Something better.

Live life. Regret nothing! Give THANKS. Surround yourself with love, surround others with love. There was a reason for the decisions you've made. All for the better, my friend.

God loves you so much. And you love Him so much too..

And don't forget, you're only fifteen.

Love, Christina

"(Blank) Beginnings"

Hey guys, the funniest thing happened to me last night.
I was having a terrible time going to sleep. But I came up with an idea which I have no idEA how it came to my head but iit just did (this happens sometimes in the middle of the night.) But I got this idea to form a new blog about (blank.) Don't know what I mean? Check it out here, I really encourage you to, it could help you to see life in a different and new perspective:

http://itspagesareblank.blogspot.com/2011/04/beginnings.html


Thanks. Happy blogging,
Chrissy Z