The Bible to me has almost become homework. There, I admit it. I feel like it's homework that I keep putting off, again and again. And many of you have probably been in that small group where someone's pray requests rings, "my prayer request is that I need to read my Bible more." My college youth pastor is someone I really look up to, and is a man whose often has these really profound quotes that are so full of meaning yet are so simple. One thing I will always remember him saying is... that's not really a prayer request. If you need to read your Bible more, then do it. Not in a harsh way at all, maybe You need prayer for motivation to read your Bible more. But I just don't know what God thinks when we ask Him for motivation to read it, as if it's not entertaining enough. And again, I hope this doesn't come across as harsh or judgmental. I only say these things because, I do this all the time!
I'm that Christian who doesn't make time to read my Bible. I hate that it's true, and I am ready to make a change. I feel this way especially having a great conversation with my friend Audrey today. I went to my favorite coffee shop with the purpose of doing homework. And for an amount of time, I was the only one there. Then Audrey walked in, and unplanned we talked for hours. Our conversation about how important God's word is, and how granted we all take it, made me realize something.
When you go to school to get educated, the teachers are not there for their own benefit. If they are, they are doing it wrong. Teachers teach others. Often teachers will add, "I took the time and unpaid effort to grade your papers and to write what you did wrong and need to improve on, not for my own benefit. So don't take those markings for granted." And after our conversation, I realized... God didn't make the Bible for his pleasure. For His benefit. For His gain. If you think about it, God doesn't need the Bible. God knows everything in it, and around it, and everything in general. God solely formed the Bible through others for our benefit. For our purpose. For us.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I know I'm not alone in often shrugging off the Bible for reading it another time, and for putting it off at the bottom of my mental to-do list. But God gave this special gift to me, to us. It's not homework we have to turn in. It's not business papers we need to read because our job titles are "Christian". It's a lifestyle. It's life, itself. It's love. It's vital.
A sidenote: This blog has immensely blessed me and allowed me to confess my thousands of shortcomings, and make the most out of them. I think God challenges us to do that constantly, and confess to others our shortcomings as well. Thank you for being a part of my healing process as a reader of this post/blog :)
Saturday, March 8, 2014
Thursday, March 6, 2014
The Difference
Infatuation is unreal
Infatuation lasts for a moment
Infatuation lies to you
And tells you you're in love
Infatuation starts by manipulating
Your heart and then your mind
Infatuation makes you think
A spark is just enough
Infatuation is an interest
We believe is love
Infatuation intercedes
And makes you feel blinded
Love is strong, love is true
Love hangs on through pain
Love remains and then love guides
When the road is winded
Love gives you hope and permanent laughter
Love has no inch of doubt
Love drenches every part of who you are
Even beyond your mind and heart
Now I know these things are certainly true
But when I see them in direct contact
I panic, I worry, I tear my hair out
Because Icant seem to tell them apart
Infatuation lasts for a moment
Infatuation lies to you
And tells you you're in love
Infatuation starts by manipulating
Your heart and then your mind
Infatuation makes you think
A spark is just enough
Infatuation is an interest
We believe is love
Infatuation intercedes
And makes you feel blinded
Love is strong, love is true
Love hangs on through pain
Love remains and then love guides
When the road is winded
Love gives you hope and permanent laughter
Love has no inch of doubt
Love drenches every part of who you are
Even beyond your mind and heart
Now I know these things are certainly true
But when I see them in direct contact
I panic, I worry, I tear my hair out
Because Icant seem to tell them apart
Monday, February 17, 2014
A King's Hiding Place
He didn't think anyone would find out about what he did. He figured, it would be our little secret. Just between me and her. But he could still feel a cold breeze over his shoulder... someone, or something, was watching him when he did it. When he committed the action, and then the next action that followed. When he took that first glance, that was so much more than just a glance... it was just a look, no big deal. At least that was what he thought to himself.
All I did was look, and try to erase the evidence. But now with the news she brought forth, it was impossible. He shivered at the thought of what the future held. Just a glance. That was all...
There was a knock, knock at the door. He almost jumped, he was so deep in thought- like listening to music being interrupted by a loud clang. "Yes, who goes there?" he hesitantly replied.
"Sir Nathan, my lord," his doorman replied.
"Nathan...?" he replied.
"He says he has an urgent story to tell you."
He had no idea the spectrum of good or bad the story could bring, but he had to find out. "Let him in," he called out.
The giant door perched open, and Nathan walked in, a disappointed look on his face- more frustrated than saddened. "Hello King," Nathan greeted.
"Hello. What is this story I hear you have for me?"
Nathan sighed and corrected him. "It's much more than just a story.
"You see, there was a rich man and a poor man. The rich man had many animals, sheep and cattle. The poor man had one small lamb he was only able to buy on pure luck. This lamb grew up with the poor man's children, and he held this lamb in his arms like his own daughter. The rich man invited a traveler over for dinner, and prepared the poor man's little sheep instead of one of his many animals. He took the poor man's only property to his name, when he all as much sheep and cattle to last him his life."
The king was enraged. His heart beat fast with anger. He felt revenge heating the tips of his fingers. "Who is this man you speak of?! Where is he?!" He almost completely forgot about the guilt he was attempting to resolve before Nathan walked in.
That was, until Nathan replied:
"King, the rich man is in this very room." Nathan huffed and his face tightened. "You are he."
The king threw himself out of his chair. "What are these false claims you make!? Lying is forbidden in my kingdom and in the eyes of the Lord, especially to your king! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"My lord, listen. You are the rich man. You have a beautiful kingdom, and anything you'd like at the snap of your fingers. Everything is yours. But the one thing that wasn't fully yours, the one thing that Uriah could call his own. You had to take it away. You had to let your eyes dwell on the one thing that was his. You had to call upon his wife, to be yours. And then, to make matters worse, you had the negligence to attempt to erase the evidence. And when that didn't work, you decided to erase the person the evidence mattered to the most. You erased Uriah.
Well, you can't erase the Lord's will or consequences on you for what you've done. You killed Uriah with a sword. And now, the sword will never depart from your house- it will never leave your sight."
Tears blurred the king's vision as rapid thoughts blurred the king's focus. His heart beat at the pace his thoughts were circulating. What had he done?
"I have sinned against the Lord," the king choked.
_____________________________________________________
The king had been hunched over in the same position from the time Nathan had left. He couldn't believe he had been discovered.
Then he thought to himself, of course he had been. That chill he had felt over his shoulder wasn't anyone physically watching him. And it wasn't Nathan telling him this parable which he lived as reality. God was speaking, Himself, through this things.
His face buried in his hands. He could already feel the burden of the pain of his consequences he was to face. He realized he committed so many sins at once- theft, murder, deception. How could the Lord ever forgive him? He had to ask. But in a sense, he already knew the answer.
The king was very special in how he prayed, though. He often felt God in strumming his harp and found God by wording his heart into lines of poetry. He had to ask in this same way.
He didn't want a scribe to write this for him. This was between him and God only this time. He searched around for the nearest writing utensil, and the cleanest thing to write on. And he began.
All I did was look, and try to erase the evidence. But now with the news she brought forth, it was impossible. He shivered at the thought of what the future held. Just a glance. That was all...
There was a knock, knock at the door. He almost jumped, he was so deep in thought- like listening to music being interrupted by a loud clang. "Yes, who goes there?" he hesitantly replied.
"Sir Nathan, my lord," his doorman replied.
"Nathan...?" he replied.
"He says he has an urgent story to tell you."
He had no idea the spectrum of good or bad the story could bring, but he had to find out. "Let him in," he called out.
The giant door perched open, and Nathan walked in, a disappointed look on his face- more frustrated than saddened. "Hello King," Nathan greeted.
"Hello. What is this story I hear you have for me?"
Nathan sighed and corrected him. "It's much more than just a story.
"You see, there was a rich man and a poor man. The rich man had many animals, sheep and cattle. The poor man had one small lamb he was only able to buy on pure luck. This lamb grew up with the poor man's children, and he held this lamb in his arms like his own daughter. The rich man invited a traveler over for dinner, and prepared the poor man's little sheep instead of one of his many animals. He took the poor man's only property to his name, when he all as much sheep and cattle to last him his life."
The king was enraged. His heart beat fast with anger. He felt revenge heating the tips of his fingers. "Who is this man you speak of?! Where is he?!" He almost completely forgot about the guilt he was attempting to resolve before Nathan walked in.
That was, until Nathan replied:
"King, the rich man is in this very room." Nathan huffed and his face tightened. "You are he."
The king threw himself out of his chair. "What are these false claims you make!? Lying is forbidden in my kingdom and in the eyes of the Lord, especially to your king! What do you have to say for yourself?"
"My lord, listen. You are the rich man. You have a beautiful kingdom, and anything you'd like at the snap of your fingers. Everything is yours. But the one thing that wasn't fully yours, the one thing that Uriah could call his own. You had to take it away. You had to let your eyes dwell on the one thing that was his. You had to call upon his wife, to be yours. And then, to make matters worse, you had the negligence to attempt to erase the evidence. And when that didn't work, you decided to erase the person the evidence mattered to the most. You erased Uriah.
Well, you can't erase the Lord's will or consequences on you for what you've done. You killed Uriah with a sword. And now, the sword will never depart from your house- it will never leave your sight."
Tears blurred the king's vision as rapid thoughts blurred the king's focus. His heart beat at the pace his thoughts were circulating. What had he done?
"I have sinned against the Lord," the king choked.
_____________________________________________________
The king had been hunched over in the same position from the time Nathan had left. He couldn't believe he had been discovered.
Then he thought to himself, of course he had been. That chill he had felt over his shoulder wasn't anyone physically watching him. And it wasn't Nathan telling him this parable which he lived as reality. God was speaking, Himself, through this things.
His face buried in his hands. He could already feel the burden of the pain of his consequences he was to face. He realized he committed so many sins at once- theft, murder, deception. How could the Lord ever forgive him? He had to ask. But in a sense, he already knew the answer.
The king was very special in how he prayed, though. He often felt God in strumming his harp and found God by wording his heart into lines of poetry. He had to ask in this same way.
He didn't want a scribe to write this for him. This was between him and God only this time. He searched around for the nearest writing utensil, and the cleanest thing to write on. And he began.
"1
Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash away all my iniquity
and cleanse me from my sin.
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
and my sin is always before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
and justified when you judge.
5 Surely I was sinful at birth,
sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
6 Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
7 Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins
and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is[b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
you who are God my Savior,
and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is[b] a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart
you, God, will not despise.
18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar."
And at the bottom he wrote,
A Psalm of David.
TO himself he thought,
"A prayer, question, light of hope beyond the walls of guilt and misery... of David"
Biblical references: 2 Samuel 12, Psalm 51
to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
in burnt offerings offered whole;
then bulls will be offered on your altar."
And at the bottom he wrote,
A Psalm of David.
TO himself he thought,
"A prayer, question, light of hope beyond the walls of guilt and misery... of David"
Biblical references: 2 Samuel 12, Psalm 51
Sunday, February 9, 2014
Here's to the Memories
I found the letter that you never read
The birthday card you never signed
The laughter, hope, friendship, GOOD
all of those that you left behind
The approval that I never felt
The efforts that you didn't see
The cold stares that would never melt
The heart that you once gave to me
Opinions that would never match
The relationship that never became
Yet somehow I can't dis-attach
Yet somehow I'm the one to blame
I feel shut down, closed off, when you're near
Yet I just can't seem to stay away
I'll let you speak your views oh dear
But of course mine are just child's play
I am too innocent, don't know as much
Praise to your dear wisdom and knowledge, right?
Then tell me, even though I feel closed off by you
why I have cared about you for 5 years tonight?
And why is it that my attempts now
Are about as bullet proof as I am to your gun?
I guess you're more appealing than me,
I guess you just seem more fun
My whole heart is entangled for you all.
I love you with a love I can't explain.
I sit here and get beaten for being myself,
and still this love I can't contain.
Maybe it's time to close up shop.
Maybe it's time I move out of town.
Hope on a plane, out of state of of mind
Find new stars to watch and be around.
So I still haven't told you where all these things are
That never happened, that you never did.
I have to admit, it was hard to see them
It's a pretty dark place, where they all hid.
But once I held them to the light,
and saw what worth and value they were-
I saw there wasn't any, not to my heart-
I saw it was time to mature.
What I value and need is love and encouragement,
which I understand everyone gives in different ways.
But I need to know and believe in our love
and I need to know it for all my days.
There are people out there who really love me
people who really do care
I would like to think you're all in that same group
But if I'm not sure, than I won't dare.
i KNOW you do. I really do.
I guess it can often be blurred
By the constant shutdowns and shoos and more
I'm surprised this heart has endured...
I am grateful for you, and you and you
and I will always love you so.
But unless I FEEL love come this way
I don't think our friendships will grow.
Please call me if you want to hang out.
Please write, or talk, or respond.
I'll be on a boat, sailing afloat
My God-blessed friendships pond.
It's a beautiful place where I feel very loved
by friends who encourage and engage.
I never feel undermined, unwanted, or such;
I never feel pushed or enraged.
God has your heart, and He has mine.
I always pray the best for you all.
I love you all with my entire heart.
If you ever want a piece of it, just call.
The birthday card you never signed
The laughter, hope, friendship, GOOD
all of those that you left behind
The approval that I never felt
The efforts that you didn't see
The cold stares that would never melt
The heart that you once gave to me
Opinions that would never match
The relationship that never became
Yet somehow I can't dis-attach
Yet somehow I'm the one to blame
I feel shut down, closed off, when you're near
Yet I just can't seem to stay away
I'll let you speak your views oh dear
But of course mine are just child's play
I am too innocent, don't know as much
Praise to your dear wisdom and knowledge, right?
Then tell me, even though I feel closed off by you
why I have cared about you for 5 years tonight?
And why is it that my attempts now
Are about as bullet proof as I am to your gun?
I guess you're more appealing than me,
I guess you just seem more fun
My whole heart is entangled for you all.
I love you with a love I can't explain.
I sit here and get beaten for being myself,
and still this love I can't contain.
Maybe it's time to close up shop.
Maybe it's time I move out of town.
Hope on a plane, out of state of of mind
Find new stars to watch and be around.
So I still haven't told you where all these things are
That never happened, that you never did.
I have to admit, it was hard to see them
It's a pretty dark place, where they all hid.
But once I held them to the light,
and saw what worth and value they were-
I saw there wasn't any, not to my heart-
I saw it was time to mature.
What I value and need is love and encouragement,
which I understand everyone gives in different ways.
But I need to know and believe in our love
and I need to know it for all my days.
There are people out there who really love me
people who really do care
I would like to think you're all in that same group
But if I'm not sure, than I won't dare.
i KNOW you do. I really do.
I guess it can often be blurred
By the constant shutdowns and shoos and more
I'm surprised this heart has endured...
I am grateful for you, and you and you
and I will always love you so.
But unless I FEEL love come this way
I don't think our friendships will grow.
Please call me if you want to hang out.
Please write, or talk, or respond.
I'll be on a boat, sailing afloat
My God-blessed friendships pond.
It's a beautiful place where I feel very loved
by friends who encourage and engage.
I never feel undermined, unwanted, or such;
I never feel pushed or enraged.
God has your heart, and He has mine.
I always pray the best for you all.
I love you all with my entire heart.
If you ever want a piece of it, just call.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
Comfort in not getting comfortable
It has been way too long since I've last written a post, or anything in general. I definitely haven't been leaving myself enough time to invest in things like writing, thinking, or even just spending time in the word or with the Lord. But even when I don't take time out, God doesn't give up on me. He sparks little ideas in the mind, when we least expect it.
Part of the reason I haven't had a lot of extra time is because of my new job (which I really enjoy, by the way!) at Chick Fil A. Last night I had to clean out the playplace (the jungle gym all the kids play on). As you can probably guess, it's a bit tight spaced for someone my size- it's doable, but it's definitely takes a little worming around to do. And as I was wiping down one of it's walls in a fairly awkward position, the saying "Don't get comfortable" came to mind...
And in that moment I thoroughly understood what the saying meant.
If I had gotten comfortable in that position, I wouldn't be able to squirm as quickly up to the next step in the playplace. It would have taken me much more time and energy to move out of my set position I "got comfortable" in. By not getting comfortable, by putting up with whatever small inconvenience or back-pain-causing-scoliosis that was caused by my position, I'd be able to quickly and efficiently clean one section, then move on to the next, without comfort holding me back or being a hindrance.
And when I thought more and more about it, and still do continue to think about it, I allow comfort to be a hindrance to me everyday.
Allow me to clarify that I am not talking about comfort as in emotional encouragement from another person, or comfort when something wrong goes in your life and people lift you up and support you. I am talking about the comfort that only lasts for a moment, the comfort of being familiar with the place you are in, the comfort of "not caring" when really you're in the act of irresponsibility, the comfort of staying in one place because, frankly, it's not scary as other places. You know you'd feel uncomfortable else where.
I'll simply say this: Jesus has you wherever you are at in life for a reason, and for an amazing reason at that. I can't say I've acknowledged this all the time, especially with the craziness this year has brought. But I wholeheartedly mean it! If He calls You to stay in one place, then that is where He would love to have You. But if you know He wants you to go and stretch out beyond the borders of familiarity... then it's time to wiggle out of your awkward position and on to the next section of the playplace. Don't get comfortable... get comfortable after you know this is where God wants you!
I'm also not trying to imply that you should never emotionally connect yourself to anything, or enjoy wherever you are at in life. I guess what I mean is, love where you are at. But don't glue yourself and rely on that place in your life to fulfill you or satisfy you. Because, it won't. Surroundings, seasons, people, and life constantly change/changes. But God doesn't. And because of this fact, we can get comfortable wherever we are at not because of the place we're in but because God ordained us to be there.
There's a great song by one of my favorite artists, Brandon Heath, called "Don't get comfortable". I was thinking about posting just a quote from the song but the whole song is worth reading.
Comfortable, don't get comfortable.
I am gonna' move this mountain
Then I'm gonna move you in.
Yesterday, this is not yesterday.
You were standing on my shoulders now;
You're standing on the edge.
You've been looking for a sign all this time.
I am gonna show you what I mean
I am gonna love like you've never seen
You are gonna live like you used to dream
This is your new song
So afraid but you don't have to be afraid
Even if you make mistakes
You know that I'll remain
You've been looking for a sign all this time.
If you seek you'll find me every time.
So I am gonna show you what I mean
I am gonna' love like you've never seen
You are gonna live like you used to dream
This is your new song
Can you feel the call of love?
Is it moving you to be a child of God of love?
Is it reaching you?
It's everywhere the call of love.
I just want to show you what I mean
I just want to love like you've never seen
Do you want to live like you used to dream?
Then I've got a song for you
Cuz I am gonna show you what I mean
I am gonna' love like you've never seen
You are gonna live like you used to dream
This is your new song
Part of the reason I haven't had a lot of extra time is because of my new job (which I really enjoy, by the way!) at Chick Fil A. Last night I had to clean out the playplace (the jungle gym all the kids play on). As you can probably guess, it's a bit tight spaced for someone my size- it's doable, but it's definitely takes a little worming around to do. And as I was wiping down one of it's walls in a fairly awkward position, the saying "Don't get comfortable" came to mind...
And in that moment I thoroughly understood what the saying meant.
If I had gotten comfortable in that position, I wouldn't be able to squirm as quickly up to the next step in the playplace. It would have taken me much more time and energy to move out of my set position I "got comfortable" in. By not getting comfortable, by putting up with whatever small inconvenience or back-pain-causing-scoliosis that was caused by my position, I'd be able to quickly and efficiently clean one section, then move on to the next, without comfort holding me back or being a hindrance.
And when I thought more and more about it, and still do continue to think about it, I allow comfort to be a hindrance to me everyday.
Allow me to clarify that I am not talking about comfort as in emotional encouragement from another person, or comfort when something wrong goes in your life and people lift you up and support you. I am talking about the comfort that only lasts for a moment, the comfort of being familiar with the place you are in, the comfort of "not caring" when really you're in the act of irresponsibility, the comfort of staying in one place because, frankly, it's not scary as other places. You know you'd feel uncomfortable else where.
I'll simply say this: Jesus has you wherever you are at in life for a reason, and for an amazing reason at that. I can't say I've acknowledged this all the time, especially with the craziness this year has brought. But I wholeheartedly mean it! If He calls You to stay in one place, then that is where He would love to have You. But if you know He wants you to go and stretch out beyond the borders of familiarity... then it's time to wiggle out of your awkward position and on to the next section of the playplace. Don't get comfortable... get comfortable after you know this is where God wants you!
I'm also not trying to imply that you should never emotionally connect yourself to anything, or enjoy wherever you are at in life. I guess what I mean is, love where you are at. But don't glue yourself and rely on that place in your life to fulfill you or satisfy you. Because, it won't. Surroundings, seasons, people, and life constantly change/changes. But God doesn't. And because of this fact, we can get comfortable wherever we are at not because of the place we're in but because God ordained us to be there.
There's a great song by one of my favorite artists, Brandon Heath, called "Don't get comfortable". I was thinking about posting just a quote from the song but the whole song is worth reading.
Comfortable, don't get comfortable.
I am gonna' move this mountain
Then I'm gonna move you in.
Yesterday, this is not yesterday.
You were standing on my shoulders now;
You're standing on the edge.
You've been looking for a sign all this time.
I am gonna show you what I mean
I am gonna love like you've never seen
You are gonna live like you used to dream
This is your new song
So afraid but you don't have to be afraid
Even if you make mistakes
You know that I'll remain
You've been looking for a sign all this time.
If you seek you'll find me every time.
So I am gonna show you what I mean
I am gonna' love like you've never seen
You are gonna live like you used to dream
This is your new song
Can you feel the call of love?
Is it moving you to be a child of God of love?
Is it reaching you?
It's everywhere the call of love.
I just want to show you what I mean
I just want to love like you've never seen
Do you want to live like you used to dream?
Then I've got a song for you
Cuz I am gonna show you what I mean
I am gonna' love like you've never seen
You are gonna live like you used to dream
This is your new song
Monday, November 4, 2013
Half a Verse
I throw myself out into the world,
I like the compliments, I like the thought
That people like how I look,
Yet at the same time
I hate the thought of throwing myself
Out for the world to like or dislike
It's one or the other
Are you my love, or my brother
Honest and teasing, or do I look pleasing?
I like the compliments, I like the thought
That people like how I look,
Yet at the same time
I hate the thought of throwing myself
Out for the world to like or dislike
It's one or the other
Are you my love, or my brother
Honest and teasing, or do I look pleasing?
Thursday, September 12, 2013
No Exceptions to Acception
I don't like the phrase "fitting in". Think about it in a literal sense. Little kids often play with that 'fit the shape in the associated frame' toy. The shape has to fit the exact frame of the hole. If it doesn't, it can't go into the hole.
I don't want to fit in. I don't want a frame or a hole-shape to dictate who I am or how I act.
However, I do struggle with wanting to feel accepted.
Along with wanting to be talked to. Wanting attention. Wanting someone to want me to be with them.
It's sad because I have all of these things, but I don't have it with everyone.
But here is what I've learned:
through out high school I have noticed people who go off by themselves and then complain how they don't feel accepted or wanted. Truthfully, you must make an effort to include yourself. You have to include yourself, and then others will too. Acceptance is a two-way street.
But then, I started my freshman year of college. A handful of my close friends moved away, and I transitioned into a new flow of people. Now I completely understand what the previous people felt like. You want to make an effort to include and introduce yourself, but you are either scared or lazy. At least, that's how I've felt.
I want to make an effort, but I am scared people won't consider what I say. I want to make an effort, but I am lazy and wish people would already be making an effort towards me. (By the way, someone might be trying to make an effort towards you, but you just haven't realized it yet. Try looking at things at a different perspective: that might be something I've done wrong before, too.)
And then I remember: acceptance is a two way street.
And then I also remember: acceptance from others is a nice feeling, but acceptance of myself is the greatest feeling of all.
"I'll make the effort next time, I promise. Next time, no matter how lonely I feel or how outside I look, I will make an effort to include myself..."
Maybe another thing to consider would be your part in making others feel accepted. Now that I know this feeling well, what can I do to help others not feel this way? Whether it's reaching out to people younger than you, or even people who don't look like they have a friend, you could change their life simply by including them or asking how they are doing and fully listening.
I feel unresolved because I haven't been making a good effort to include myself lately. This is a two way street and I might have only been driving one way.
Time to make a U-turn.
I don't want to fit in. I don't want a frame or a hole-shape to dictate who I am or how I act.
However, I do struggle with wanting to feel accepted.
Along with wanting to be talked to. Wanting attention. Wanting someone to want me to be with them.
It's sad because I have all of these things, but I don't have it with everyone.
But here is what I've learned:
through out high school I have noticed people who go off by themselves and then complain how they don't feel accepted or wanted. Truthfully, you must make an effort to include yourself. You have to include yourself, and then others will too. Acceptance is a two-way street.
But then, I started my freshman year of college. A handful of my close friends moved away, and I transitioned into a new flow of people. Now I completely understand what the previous people felt like. You want to make an effort to include and introduce yourself, but you are either scared or lazy. At least, that's how I've felt.
I want to make an effort, but I am scared people won't consider what I say. I want to make an effort, but I am lazy and wish people would already be making an effort towards me. (By the way, someone might be trying to make an effort towards you, but you just haven't realized it yet. Try looking at things at a different perspective: that might be something I've done wrong before, too.)
And then I remember: acceptance is a two way street.
And then I also remember: acceptance from others is a nice feeling, but acceptance of myself is the greatest feeling of all.
"I'll make the effort next time, I promise. Next time, no matter how lonely I feel or how outside I look, I will make an effort to include myself..."
Maybe another thing to consider would be your part in making others feel accepted. Now that I know this feeling well, what can I do to help others not feel this way? Whether it's reaching out to people younger than you, or even people who don't look like they have a friend, you could change their life simply by including them or asking how they are doing and fully listening.
I feel unresolved because I haven't been making a good effort to include myself lately. This is a two way street and I might have only been driving one way.
Time to make a U-turn.
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