Oh Fire Burn Inside Me.

First off.

HALEY! I'm sorry for posting so many blog posts instead of you posting some. I've just really been needing to write this week and I feel like this is a good way of doing so.

Anyway, this week was a trip. A painful trip, both the trip that makes you think "What the heck is going on?!" and trip like "I tripped over a rock, oww." Which births a very negative connotation of my week, and also the question "Well why is your week not as good as last weeks or the week before? Why do you seem so SAD?"

(I've only been asked that 5 million times this week! :P)

The truth is, I don't have a specific reason for feeling this way. I guess it's a mixture of things. Don't get me wrong, I have an amazing life that's blessed in infinity ways; but I just feel this general sadness lingering inside of me. But like the bonfire lit up the dark sky tonight when I was hanging out with some friends; I honestly can say one slither of light that cracks through will make a huge difference. And it did.

Today, as He has this past few months, God has shown me what amazing friends I have. (Refer back to the post: "I Can Finally See the Sunset... I'm gonna Call it Home.") And he's shown me, it's times like those that remind me God has purpose inside of me burning to be set free amongst all these worries and anxieties. This fire is way more visable than the dark, and my eyes are more attracted to the fire than to the darkness. I'm praying to God He makes that burning passion so strong that it overpowers the darkness to where I'm not able to see it any longer... or feel it. Funny, I'd rather be burned by a fire of passion than left alone in the cold dark! I am DEFINATLEY a summer girl. (:

As humans, we need to all see that these gifts God's given us are way more visable than any darkness; and even a sliver of the fire we call gifts can light up a room and instantly inspire people. We just need to stop focusing on the darkness, or else we'll be let cold & wet alone in the dark because we refuse to focus on anything else... even if your heart is drenched in a complete FIRE of passion and gifts!!

There's a good song by Tenth Avenue North called "Healing Begins", which talks about a similar thing: this light meeting the darkness. My friend Reily (Riles!) brought it up, and here are some ot its highlighted lyrics:

So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now

This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark

Hmm. The healing begins AFTER you let the walls fall down? AFTER you take down these walls of defense (well, walls you THINK are defending you but are truly just covering up insecurities and imperfections)? Thank you, Tenth Avenue North, for bringing a good point up: the walls fall down, then the light meets the dark, than Healing begins.

I think I've been stuck on step 1 for a couple years now.

Would you feel the same way about yourself?