here it is on a clean plate:
it seems I was born with this inevitable fate
of having correction be an enemy of mine
I try to never let him cross my border lines.
or I should say, I try my best not to cross it myself
it's a book that I would rather let age on the shelf
cause when I flip the cover and to the first page
I start to dance around my mind with anger and rage.
Thinking I'll never get it right,
resulting thoughts "maybe I'll stay up tonight
trying to make something good out of me
Now hear my beg, hear my cry, hear my plea:"
[chorus]
In a field of rye I love to dance around
but I wonder if one day I will ever be found
not as the girl who needs correction
but just another sinner who seeks protection
they tell me don't look up when it's raining outside
they tell me don't hook up with any other social ride
excuse me for loving to look up at the sky:
oh please rescue me Catcher in the Rye, please rescue me Catcher in the Rye
I've been told I'm a little too loud
I've been told I need to calm down
I'm use to being told alot of things
but in the end this same old song rings:
That I really do need correction sometimes
I can't always just come up with rhymes
that will melt my anger and pride away
so by the end of this song I hope to say
I understand I am not perfect
and even slightest adjustments makes me feel worthless
I know sensitivity like this isn't good for our souls
but I have a sin that cries "give me all control!!"
Catcher! Please catch her
that girl inside me that can't take alterations
Catch me! Attach me
to Your love and hope and continuous meditations (on You and You alone)
I'm hanging on the edge, my sins; they bite and scratch me
but Oh God my hope I know You'll come and Catch me
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Red Trees breaking out of our Eyes
Epiphany:
The hardest person on myself? Me.
why? Because I am aware of all the mistakes i've made in my life. In the depths of my heart, the only person who knows of every mistake and wrong that I've made or done is me.
and God. and the funny thing is, He forgave me a LONG time ago. the only person who hasn't forgiven myself is me. and I am starting to think I'm not the only one living like this.
I feel like we are all born on this Earth, with red eyes. they're red because we come out of our mother's womb, wailing, with no idea what's going on, trying to figure out how to breathe and just crying with no knowledge. whenever we cry, our eyes get red; whenever we cry, and emotion triggers something in our system that makes our eyes swell and mask themselves with thin branches of red. we are continuously looking for hope, trying to figure out how to breathe, with innocent eyes that turn red and burn because of the sights they have witnessed.
excuse me for pulling out two switchfoot songs yet again, but on the album "Hello Hurricane" by them the very last song on the album is 'Red Eyes.' It goes something like this,
What are you waiting for, the day is gone?
I said I'm waiting for dawn
What are you aiming for out here alone?
I said I'm aiming for home
Holding on...
With red eyes what are you looking for?"
When our eyes tear up, our vision gets all blurry and it's difficult to see. But it's strange, because after I cry sometimes, my eyes feel so relaxed and relieved to see the tears gone; or maybe it was the tears that actually comforted my eyes? I don't know. But I feel that way with hardships, too. Reflecting on some from the past, I look back and really think how comforting it is to be on this end of the "fight" now. I've learned many things, including one: I still have many things to learn. But if I didn't search for hope, or pray for it, there wouldn't be a chance of any survival.
But after this song on the HH album, it goes into this song called "Needle and Haystack life."
"In this Needle and Haystack life, I found miracles there in your eyes. It's not accident we're here tonight, we are once in a lifetime."
When we get Red Eyes, just know that those Red Eyes might mean the WORLD to someone else. There's a reason you're in the posistion you're in, it's not accident you're here tonight... you were made in the image of God, you're once in a lifetime. Someone is looking into your eyes, thinking: "There are miracles that are going to be born soon, if not already born." Where there's red in your eyes, you are searching for something. You'll find it soon. You'll find what you need to find soon. And who knows? Someone could be looking in your eyes, without you even being aware of it, thinking: "Wow. Look at the miracles in there."
Don't lose hope, keep searching for it; even if your eyes are masked with red.
The hardest person on myself? Me.
why? Because I am aware of all the mistakes i've made in my life. In the depths of my heart, the only person who knows of every mistake and wrong that I've made or done is me.
and God. and the funny thing is, He forgave me a LONG time ago. the only person who hasn't forgiven myself is me. and I am starting to think I'm not the only one living like this.
I feel like we are all born on this Earth, with red eyes. they're red because we come out of our mother's womb, wailing, with no idea what's going on, trying to figure out how to breathe and just crying with no knowledge. whenever we cry, our eyes get red; whenever we cry, and emotion triggers something in our system that makes our eyes swell and mask themselves with thin branches of red. we are continuously looking for hope, trying to figure out how to breathe, with innocent eyes that turn red and burn because of the sights they have witnessed.
excuse me for pulling out two switchfoot songs yet again, but on the album "Hello Hurricane" by them the very last song on the album is 'Red Eyes.' It goes something like this,
What are you waiting for, the day is gone?
I said I'm waiting for dawn
What are you aiming for out here alone?
I said I'm aiming for home
Holding on...
With red eyes what are you looking for?"
When our eyes tear up, our vision gets all blurry and it's difficult to see. But it's strange, because after I cry sometimes, my eyes feel so relaxed and relieved to see the tears gone; or maybe it was the tears that actually comforted my eyes? I don't know. But I feel that way with hardships, too. Reflecting on some from the past, I look back and really think how comforting it is to be on this end of the "fight" now. I've learned many things, including one: I still have many things to learn. But if I didn't search for hope, or pray for it, there wouldn't be a chance of any survival.
But after this song on the HH album, it goes into this song called "Needle and Haystack life."
"In this Needle and Haystack life, I found miracles there in your eyes. It's not accident we're here tonight, we are once in a lifetime."
When we get Red Eyes, just know that those Red Eyes might mean the WORLD to someone else. There's a reason you're in the posistion you're in, it's not accident you're here tonight... you were made in the image of God, you're once in a lifetime. Someone is looking into your eyes, thinking: "There are miracles that are going to be born soon, if not already born." Where there's red in your eyes, you are searching for something. You'll find it soon. You'll find what you need to find soon. And who knows? Someone could be looking in your eyes, without you even being aware of it, thinking: "Wow. Look at the miracles in there."
Don't lose hope, keep searching for it; even if your eyes are masked with red.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
we are daisies;
and that's all I really know.
seriously. what do I mean by this? I mean, I've come to the conclusion that I don't know anything. Really. Well, I know some things. Like I know God is love, and vice versa. and I know He is here. existant. and I know that I'm trying to live a life for Him, of Him.
but, that's it.
what are you talking about? you know what you learn in school. right?
I don't know. do I? honestly, I forget half of the stuff I learn and shove it 85%of what I learn to the back of my mind and think "I won't need this when I'm a writer." or anything in my life, for some of what I learn.
other things I don't know: everything.
I don't know how amazingly good I've got it. I don't know if what I'm doing is right. I don't know if I make the right decisions. I don't know if the way I am living my life is what really is best for others, and then me.
and then there's the stuff I REALLY don't know, like I don't know if my dad will heal. I don't know when the world will end. I don't know alot of the stuff Revelations talks about. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know zulch about politics. I don't know if I should be quiet or try to say something. I don't know.
I lack knowledge. So much. Humans, including myself, think we have advanced so much since... the beginning of time. we have. but we are so far from everything. I don't even want to THINK about knowing everything.
I guess what I'm really tired of is opinions. and the insertion of "i" at the beginning of every sentence. yep, I'm a hypocrite; and I'll tell you why. because in 8th grade, I had a friend who was fed up with people. she said out loud, "maybe if pepole just stop saying sentences with "I" or "me" in it."
okay, maybe not opinions in themsleves, but just constant "I<--- think.." and all this stuff. shouldn't we consider other people's thoughts? Connells class, seventh period. we looked over a saying of Voltaire:
"I disagree strongly with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." we discussed it, and I brought up the point that often in life it's the quiet ones who have the more righteous thing to say.
which is hard for me to hear considering how much I talk and how I'm not afraid to say how I feel. but let me clarify: I like talking about how I feel, or why I do something, but I like to keep my opinions personal. or, like with politics, not have an opinion at all.
which leads me right back to:
I. know. nothing.
except what I said.
and that I'm a daisy-- we all are. we're just daisies growing in a garden, God's garden. gosh, we grow some weeds sometimes, actually alot of times; but God knows we're not perfect. that's why He came to Earth--that's why it rains-- because we need His love to pour on us, without it we are nothing.
you can also look at the storm clouds like a trial. yet, the rain that pours from the clouds make us grow. it's quite inevitable.
"Daisy, why another day?
Why another sunrise
Who will take the blame
For all redemptive motion
And every rainy day?
When He gives Himself away.
let it go, Daisy let it go. Open up your fist this fallen world
it doesn't own your interest, it doesn't own your soul
Daisy
let it go."
--Switchfoot
and this, my friends, is all I really know
seriously. what do I mean by this? I mean, I've come to the conclusion that I don't know anything. Really. Well, I know some things. Like I know God is love, and vice versa. and I know He is here. existant. and I know that I'm trying to live a life for Him, of Him.
but, that's it.
what are you talking about? you know what you learn in school. right?
I don't know. do I? honestly, I forget half of the stuff I learn and shove it 85%of what I learn to the back of my mind and think "I won't need this when I'm a writer." or anything in my life, for some of what I learn.
other things I don't know: everything.
I don't know how amazingly good I've got it. I don't know if what I'm doing is right. I don't know if I make the right decisions. I don't know if the way I am living my life is what really is best for others, and then me.
and then there's the stuff I REALLY don't know, like I don't know if my dad will heal. I don't know when the world will end. I don't know alot of the stuff Revelations talks about. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know zulch about politics. I don't know if I should be quiet or try to say something. I don't know.
I lack knowledge. So much. Humans, including myself, think we have advanced so much since... the beginning of time. we have. but we are so far from everything. I don't even want to THINK about knowing everything.
I guess what I'm really tired of is opinions. and the insertion of "i" at the beginning of every sentence. yep, I'm a hypocrite; and I'll tell you why. because in 8th grade, I had a friend who was fed up with people. she said out loud, "maybe if pepole just stop saying sentences with "I" or "me" in it."
okay, maybe not opinions in themsleves, but just constant "I<--- think.." and all this stuff. shouldn't we consider other people's thoughts? Connells class, seventh period. we looked over a saying of Voltaire:
"I disagree strongly with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." we discussed it, and I brought up the point that often in life it's the quiet ones who have the more righteous thing to say.
which is hard for me to hear considering how much I talk and how I'm not afraid to say how I feel. but let me clarify: I like talking about how I feel, or why I do something, but I like to keep my opinions personal. or, like with politics, not have an opinion at all.
which leads me right back to:
I. know. nothing.
except what I said.
and that I'm a daisy-- we all are. we're just daisies growing in a garden, God's garden. gosh, we grow some weeds sometimes, actually alot of times; but God knows we're not perfect. that's why He came to Earth--that's why it rains-- because we need His love to pour on us, without it we are nothing.
you can also look at the storm clouds like a trial. yet, the rain that pours from the clouds make us grow. it's quite inevitable.
"Daisy, why another day?
Why another sunrise
Who will take the blame
For all redemptive motion
And every rainy day?
When He gives Himself away.
let it go, Daisy let it go. Open up your fist this fallen world
it doesn't own your interest, it doesn't own your soul
Daisy
let it go."
--Switchfoot
and this, my friends, is all I really know
Saturday, October 16, 2010
in the black street when it's all you really know.
Homework. I was doing it. Then, off in the distance beyond my open window, I hear a little voice. She was reciting something I heard on Disneychannel once, one of those commercials where the kids go on TV to talk about the cool job there parents had. She would say, "Hi, my name's ______, and my dad does this and this for a living." Then she'd end it with the catchphrase they kids also say on the commercial, "What a Life!" Gosh, when I looked out that window, I thought I was looking in a mirror. She reminded me so much of when I was a kid. She was pacing around on her scooter, saying this stuff, pretending she was on Disneychannel. When I was little, I'd just walk outside with either my handball or my basketball, and walk around the whole neighbor just making up stories or pretending to be on shows like on Disneychannel or something; just bouncing my ball. Beautiful memories of those days, of just getting lost in the stories I made up, being such great friends with these imaginary people. I use to do it everyday after school, I remember. My neighbor, who we call Senior, used to tell me to count how many times I bounce my ball. That actually made me a bit uncomfortable, because I hated it when people were outside at the same time I was bouncing my ball. I didn't like it, because it would appear I was talking to myself, and I hated imagining what a weird kid people thought I was seeing myself talking to no one.
But right as I looked out the window, her big brown eyes met mine, and she got this sheepish look on her face and all she could do was hiccup "Hi." I could've sworn I was looking in a mirror of when I was younger again.
It's really silly, once you think about it, how much I cared what people thought of me. One of the things I loved to do most was making up stories and bouncing my ball. It was my escape from the world. It was my own world. I loved it there.
But after a time, I just stopped. I stopped bouncing my ball. Why? I don't really know. It just kind of faded. Actually, I had gotten this big, soft ball from an arcade place and I would take that and hit it against my wall in my bedroom. It wasn't the same as outside in my Col De Sac, but I guess I thought it was better at the time because it was inside and I could be in my own privacy without having the fear of people wondering "Why is she talking to herself?"
When I reached an age when I stopped completley, my dad told me I should bounce my ball again. He said he thought it was a way of me clearing my thoughts and just a distressing thing for me, and it was. Not long after I stopped did I battle with different emotional problems. Kind of sad.
Now I still don't bounce my ball, but I wish I did. My neighbors would probably all come up to me and say, "Bouncing the old ball again Chrissy?" Even in one of my "get well" cards I got from my neighbors after getting an operation, it said "We miss hearing you bounce your ball. Get well soon."
You know what was the only thing that stopped me? I don't. Maybe it was maturing. Maybe it was no more time because of homework or something. But I feel like a big possiblity was that I unconciously let myself believe people thought I was strange, and I myself thought so too, and I stopped because of it.
Next time, I won't watch my little neighbor out the window, if she ever does recite Disneychannel again. I'll just let her pace by on her scooter. I don't want her to ever stop herself just because she sees someone watching her. I don't ever want her to believe she's strange just because she has an imagination she's willing to say out loud. That's what makes her beautiful, is her imagination. and her innocence.
"sees a young girl smile on the black street
clothed in innocence
Dancing and dreaming
like a girl she used to know
oh, little girl, please always
let your white stars glow.
Let your white stars shimmer
just like the snow
like them sparkle in the black street
when it's all you really know."
But right as I looked out the window, her big brown eyes met mine, and she got this sheepish look on her face and all she could do was hiccup "Hi." I could've sworn I was looking in a mirror of when I was younger again.
It's really silly, once you think about it, how much I cared what people thought of me. One of the things I loved to do most was making up stories and bouncing my ball. It was my escape from the world. It was my own world. I loved it there.
But after a time, I just stopped. I stopped bouncing my ball. Why? I don't really know. It just kind of faded. Actually, I had gotten this big, soft ball from an arcade place and I would take that and hit it against my wall in my bedroom. It wasn't the same as outside in my Col De Sac, but I guess I thought it was better at the time because it was inside and I could be in my own privacy without having the fear of people wondering "Why is she talking to herself?"
When I reached an age when I stopped completley, my dad told me I should bounce my ball again. He said he thought it was a way of me clearing my thoughts and just a distressing thing for me, and it was. Not long after I stopped did I battle with different emotional problems. Kind of sad.
Now I still don't bounce my ball, but I wish I did. My neighbors would probably all come up to me and say, "Bouncing the old ball again Chrissy?" Even in one of my "get well" cards I got from my neighbors after getting an operation, it said "We miss hearing you bounce your ball. Get well soon."
You know what was the only thing that stopped me? I don't. Maybe it was maturing. Maybe it was no more time because of homework or something. But I feel like a big possiblity was that I unconciously let myself believe people thought I was strange, and I myself thought so too, and I stopped because of it.
Next time, I won't watch my little neighbor out the window, if she ever does recite Disneychannel again. I'll just let her pace by on her scooter. I don't want her to ever stop herself just because she sees someone watching her. I don't ever want her to believe she's strange just because she has an imagination she's willing to say out loud. That's what makes her beautiful, is her imagination. and her innocence.
"sees a young girl smile on the black street
clothed in innocence
Dancing and dreaming
like a girl she used to know
oh, little girl, please always
let your white stars glow.
Let your white stars shimmer
just like the snow
like them sparkle in the black street
when it's all you really know."
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Between me and the Door (intented to be posted 10/3/10)
Transistion: summer, fall.
So I'm a few weeks behind. I feel like summer has just been everlasting, like it's seriously lasted for more than 3 months. So many things have happened over the summer, so many things have changed; including my mind and myself. Or at least I've attempted change.
Good change? Bad change? I don't want to label it. It's just God's change. It's what He wants. It's just Him blessing everything. Even if there's trials. It's a blessing. Everything is a blessing.
Memories of summer, and now transistioning into fall:
1. Forever Younglife Fridays.
2. Downtown West Covina, Jack's Mannequin narrating riding along the border of the shore on July 3rd.
3. Switchfoot narrating... everything.
4. Anything Jon Foreman sings narrating... everything.
5. Switchfoot narrating an amazing day on the beach with 4 of my best friends <3
6. Stars.
7. Letters.
8. Woodview Lane. Emphasis on that one. Driving up there, outlooking the city lights, waving hello in the ocean of the night sky. Talking to my mom about our same drive on that road on January 1st, and what resolutions we made. Quite sad, because we couldn't recall what resolutions we made.
9. Tears. Sad ones, sure. But mostly tears of joy.
10. Rain. In summer?! Yes. Pouring. Dancing in it. Dancing on it. Praying in it. The surplus the rain left in the sky. Sitting on a playground, singing songs and discovering many things. <3
11. Paper, pens.
12. My treehouse. And the canyon. My escapes from the world.
13. Reily Minton's house.
14. "Your Love is Strong" by Jon Foreman.
15. Dancing around to "Stars" by switchfoot, having a spazz attack playing metaphorical drums with two of my best friends playing metaphorical gutairs.
16. Fiction Family.
17. Toujour Votre.
18. So much more.
Did you actually read that whole list? Congratulations.
These, and like 40 other things are what made up my summer and part of my life. So many new doors are being opened, some doors even possibly being closed; but I don't like to turn and dwell and what I'm leaving, I only love seeing the glow of the new door being opened. But, I'll only open if He knocks.
"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me." Revelation 3:20
Come Lord. Let me not be selfish. Let me not always change the subject of conversation continuously to something about me. Let me always think of others first. Subtract my selfishness. Subtract myself from...myself. Instead of talking all the time, letting words slip out of my mouth and thoughts slip out of my mind, let me listen to your knock and open the doors You need me to get to.
"Under the floor between me and the door there's a presence i cannot deny" <3
So I'm a few weeks behind. I feel like summer has just been everlasting, like it's seriously lasted for more than 3 months. So many things have happened over the summer, so many things have changed; including my mind and myself. Or at least I've attempted change.
Good change? Bad change? I don't want to label it. It's just God's change. It's what He wants. It's just Him blessing everything. Even if there's trials. It's a blessing. Everything is a blessing.
Memories of summer, and now transistioning into fall:
1. Forever Younglife Fridays.
2. Downtown West Covina, Jack's Mannequin narrating riding along the border of the shore on July 3rd.
3. Switchfoot narrating... everything.
4. Anything Jon Foreman sings narrating... everything.
5. Switchfoot narrating an amazing day on the beach with 4 of my best friends <3
6. Stars.
7. Letters.
8. Woodview Lane. Emphasis on that one. Driving up there, outlooking the city lights, waving hello in the ocean of the night sky. Talking to my mom about our same drive on that road on January 1st, and what resolutions we made. Quite sad, because we couldn't recall what resolutions we made.
9. Tears. Sad ones, sure. But mostly tears of joy.
10. Rain. In summer?! Yes. Pouring. Dancing in it. Dancing on it. Praying in it. The surplus the rain left in the sky. Sitting on a playground, singing songs and discovering many things. <3
11. Paper, pens.
12. My treehouse. And the canyon. My escapes from the world.
13. Reily Minton's house.
14. "Your Love is Strong" by Jon Foreman.
15. Dancing around to "Stars" by switchfoot, having a spazz attack playing metaphorical drums with two of my best friends playing metaphorical gutairs.
16. Fiction Family.
17. Toujour Votre.
18. So much more.
Did you actually read that whole list? Congratulations.
These, and like 40 other things are what made up my summer and part of my life. So many new doors are being opened, some doors even possibly being closed; but I don't like to turn and dwell and what I'm leaving, I only love seeing the glow of the new door being opened. But, I'll only open if He knocks.
"Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and eat with him, and he with me." Revelation 3:20
Come Lord. Let me not be selfish. Let me not always change the subject of conversation continuously to something about me. Let me always think of others first. Subtract my selfishness. Subtract myself from...myself. Instead of talking all the time, letting words slip out of my mouth and thoughts slip out of my mind, let me listen to your knock and open the doors You need me to get to.
"Under the floor between me and the door there's a presence i cannot deny" <3
Saturday, September 11, 2010
the Organs of a Piano.
Yesterday, I cleared the top of my piano clean (the way it SHOULD be) and opened it up. I clicked a few keys and watch the wooden levers tap the metal strings inside the Yamaha Spinnit. It's all so beautiful to me, how much beauty can be drained out of piano-- and all from the mechanics inside. Am I stange for opening up my piano when I play instead of leaving it closed like it usually is? I don't really care if the answer is yes.
I like to open things up. I like to open people up. I like to see the inside of things. Because the inside, that's where the beauty happens. The inside is what's naturally making eveything work; and you can say that about almost anything. A human body-- all the organs and bones on the inside are what make the body function properly and beautifully. Same with a piano, or pretty much any instrument. Any form of technology, a computer, a tv. Even with houses-- you don't like a house because of it's outside, do you? For some people, the outside of the house does count for something, but you're not going to buy a house because 'it looks pretty'. What's on the inside?
I guess that's why I ask such random questions to people. It's all in the process of opening them up; making them think outside of there image. Going beyond what they see with there eyes, but rather; seeing what's inside of the world and themselves. It's going beyond this natural 'mask' they put on. What is behind that mask? Opening people up I find, is one of my favorite things to do. To see what a human thinks, or why he/she makes the desicions she makes, fascinates me and gets people closer to helping eachother. I just wish people could learn to accept and love the insides of other people, and see the potential they have.
Every human being has potential in SOMETHING (even if it's having potential in being potential.) That alone is a glimpse of hope. but when a human is hypocritical enough to call someone stupid, that's not subtracting hope itself but subtracting the insulted human being from seeing the hope.
When you see a book, you don't just look at the cover, right? That's not what books were made for. They were made to look inside and see all the amazing things that can be learned, or finding extreme wonders that the human mind would never think up of on its own.
Why don't we try opening up someone? Let's not open up people to insult/criticize them, but accept/love/help them. Appreciate them, be fascinated but the extreme wonders they have come up with or experienced.
Because it's one of the most beautiful things; listening to an open piano being played.
--Chrissy Z
I like to open things up. I like to open people up. I like to see the inside of things. Because the inside, that's where the beauty happens. The inside is what's naturally making eveything work; and you can say that about almost anything. A human body-- all the organs and bones on the inside are what make the body function properly and beautifully. Same with a piano, or pretty much any instrument. Any form of technology, a computer, a tv. Even with houses-- you don't like a house because of it's outside, do you? For some people, the outside of the house does count for something, but you're not going to buy a house because 'it looks pretty'. What's on the inside?
I guess that's why I ask such random questions to people. It's all in the process of opening them up; making them think outside of there image. Going beyond what they see with there eyes, but rather; seeing what's inside of the world and themselves. It's going beyond this natural 'mask' they put on. What is behind that mask? Opening people up I find, is one of my favorite things to do. To see what a human thinks, or why he/she makes the desicions she makes, fascinates me and gets people closer to helping eachother. I just wish people could learn to accept and love the insides of other people, and see the potential they have.
Every human being has potential in SOMETHING (even if it's having potential in being potential.) That alone is a glimpse of hope. but when a human is hypocritical enough to call someone stupid, that's not subtracting hope itself but subtracting the insulted human being from seeing the hope.
When you see a book, you don't just look at the cover, right? That's not what books were made for. They were made to look inside and see all the amazing things that can be learned, or finding extreme wonders that the human mind would never think up of on its own.
Why don't we try opening up someone? Let's not open up people to insult/criticize them, but accept/love/help them. Appreciate them, be fascinated but the extreme wonders they have come up with or experienced.
Because it's one of the most beautiful things; listening to an open piano being played.
--Chrissy Z
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Deserted Fountains Rescued
in the deserts
of the heart,
let the healing
fountain start.
In the prison
of his days
Teach the free man
how to praise.
--WH Auden
of the heart,
let the healing
fountain start.
In the prison
of his days
Teach the free man
how to praise.
--WH Auden
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Meant to be Wild, Meant to be Beautiful.
An old woman who's probably been scarred a trillion times more then she is scarring her own grandaughter by screaming at her, telling her what she does wrong and that she is a little brat. An old woman who doesn't take the time to see what potential her grandaughter has, and that she should actually try to be more childlike; rather then being childish and screaming at the poor innocent soul who will probably rebel from her innocence because of how the old woman's treated her.
And all I do is sit and watch. Maybe I tell the girl once in a while, "It's okay, what she's saying is not true." And encourage her. But in the end, what can I truly do? And if I can do something what is stopping me from doing it?
My very good friend once said, roses were meant to be wild; and people trim them and cut them and try to make them look pretty for the inside of their houses.
When in the end, it's only God that can make these roses beautiful. They were meant to grow naturally and wildly; not being cut up and brought in contained houses.
Have you ever just wanted to adopt a person to take care of on your own?
Yes.
--Chrissy Z
And all I do is sit and watch. Maybe I tell the girl once in a while, "It's okay, what she's saying is not true." And encourage her. But in the end, what can I truly do? And if I can do something what is stopping me from doing it?
My very good friend once said, roses were meant to be wild; and people trim them and cut them and try to make them look pretty for the inside of their houses.
When in the end, it's only God that can make these roses beautiful. They were meant to grow naturally and wildly; not being cut up and brought in contained houses.
Have you ever just wanted to adopt a person to take care of on your own?
Yes.
--Chrissy Z
Friday, August 20, 2010
"Never write about a place until you're away from it, because that gives you perspective”-
I'm not the one to always have the coolest dreams. Lately, my dreams have been consisting of tripped out proportions that don't usually make sense. Hey, its better then the nightmares I use to have, right?
But the other night, the day before my birthday, I had a dream. There were different colored people all sitting at a Burger King, like outside it at tables. They all had sheet music, or at least I think they did; I remember looking at a pile of sheet music. The sheet music each person had was from their own religion. When I woke up, I intrepreted this as these different people having sort of a singing war to seek which religion was the best.
But the next day, I pondered on it. My first thought about the dream was: war. I automatically took it as we were FIGHTING. I thought about it and came to another conclusion-- I didn't remember why we were all there in the dream, or why we were all sharing the sheet music with eachother; but maybe that was just it-- we were sharing it with eachother. Maybe we were just sharing about what we believed in, what we put our faith in.
Why did my first thought have to be "War." ? I have gained two new curiousities from this dream...
a) why do humans think the tiniest bit of controversy means someone wants to start a fight, debate, ect?
b) what happens when people look at a different perspective to get a different result?
Referencing to a). I remember talking with an old aquantance that I hadn't seen in a while about how he was doing. What I got: he resorted to drugs. Parties. Sadness and prayer stand in my heart for him, his definition was misunderstanded and not comforted enough; maybe not even at all. And when he asked me if I didn't go to parties, I don't remember my reply exactly but it was amongst the lines of "Never did, never will. It's just not me" and he asked, "Why are you trying to start a debate?" I felt bad because that's the exact opposite of what I was trying to do, but look at his mind. His first automatic thought when I told him the tiniest disagreement I had with him, he thinks I'm trying to start a war. What a great definition of society. We build up sides, teams; so we can 'debate' or 'fight' or whatever with other teams about what we disagree on, and what our differences are. And with this, it makes me think: all of us are differnent in SOME way. NONE of us are EXACTLY the same. So we might as well just go to war with one another, one on one; why even bother making trusses, right? Wrong. Let's put aside our differences and see what we DO have in common, better yet; let's look at our differences and agree we're different but exactly the same in the fact that:
all of us have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God.
Letter b. Perspectives. When I changed my angle of perspective on my dream, I got a COMPLETELY different picture. I find that in the littlest of everyday things, if I look at something from a different view or a different thinking then usual; a whole new thought is produced that I can ponder on and think about even more. Take the tree picture above the first paragraph for example. When you first saw it, did you see trees and clouds and the sun? It seemed kinda sketchy, maybe you figured it was just the reflection; but still, looking at it from this angle nature just seems more bolded. When I took this picture, I just thought it looked cool at first; but after looking at it, I asked a few of my friends if they thought it was a reflection or the actual image... the friends I asked agreed it was the actual image. How weird, when turning things in even the SLIGHTEST of an angle, you can see a whole new image; or possibly the same exact thing, but it's tricking your mind.
Is that the devil? Can he look like something beautiful but turn out to be fake? I don't like that thought at all but I think it's true in some cases.
But I mainly liked the idea of making your brain look at something, read something, or even stepping away from your typical opinion on something in a different angle or perspective; you find there's a LOT more than meets the eye. Is this with God as well? Turn our eyes a little bit; maybe stray away from our negative bitter thoughts, maybe towards the thoughts of "could there possibly be a power bigger than I or this world or universe?" or even "could there possibly be someone or something that loves me JUST the way I am, completely?" you COULD go with "could there possibly be something out there that is PERFECT?"
I thought about it tonight: you can't see the whole world at the same time, but you know the rest of the world is there, right? You can't see the wind, but you can feel it and you know it's there, right? Why couldn't this be the same with God?
"Never write about a place until you're away from it, because that gives you perspective”- Ernest Hemingway
"Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth." - Marcus Aurelius
So maybe, what we DON'T see has truth? This is not a maybe for me, I know it in my heart; but what about you?
If society, if you, if I can learn to change our, yours, my perspective and our way of automatically thinking negatively or "HE/SHE WANTS WAR" maybe we can plant true peace in us, you, me. Maybe we, you, I can actually have clear thoughts, a cleansed mind and soul; souls ringing God's constant songs of promise and love, and with our peaceful & newly cleansed minds we might be able to hear that song. It's playing on the highest volume it can be, society/you/me just decides to listen to other songs sometimes.
God, turn it all the way up. Block out whatever distractions or loud songs are in the way of yours.
Hmm, I like this song; alot :)
--Chrissy Z
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
"I Never Gone with the Wind, Just Let it Flow; Let it Take Me where it Wants to Go"
It's been a while, a good while :)
I've started up a journal again so that's probably why. I'm really trying to get back into writing, get into the swing of it; not that I never stopped but I need to write out my thoughts and prayers clearly again, not just 'blog' about it or write is musically (though writing it musically is probably my favorite ways of writing).
Today, I saw Avatar the Last Airbender! :) it was gooooood. But Brooke and I realized something as we pondered upon the Bendin...
you need air in all four of the elements: in water, in fire, in nature, and in air itself; to produce the element.
Like you need God in all elements of your life to produce faith, hope, love...
Yes. God is our air. We breathe Him in.
In the movie "A Walk to Remember", the movie ends with the main character (memory loss, what was his name again?) talking about how he feels his girlfriend in the end (if you haven't seen the movie, I kinda just gave away the ending. Sorry.)And it reminded me of the amazing book I read, "Orphaned Anythings: A Memoir of a Lesser Known" by Stephen Christian. He talked about feeling God in the wind towards the end of the book, so whenever the wind blew, He would feel Gods presence.
It's like this: you know the wind is there. You can't see it, but you can feel it.
That's exactly what God is.
--Chrissy Z
I've started up a journal again so that's probably why. I'm really trying to get back into writing, get into the swing of it; not that I never stopped but I need to write out my thoughts and prayers clearly again, not just 'blog' about it or write is musically (though writing it musically is probably my favorite ways of writing).
Today, I saw Avatar the Last Airbender! :) it was gooooood. But Brooke and I realized something as we pondered upon the Bendin...
you need air in all four of the elements: in water, in fire, in nature, and in air itself; to produce the element.
Like you need God in all elements of your life to produce faith, hope, love...
Yes. God is our air. We breathe Him in.
In the movie "A Walk to Remember", the movie ends with the main character (memory loss, what was his name again?) talking about how he feels his girlfriend in the end (if you haven't seen the movie, I kinda just gave away the ending. Sorry.)And it reminded me of the amazing book I read, "Orphaned Anythings: A Memoir of a Lesser Known" by Stephen Christian. He talked about feeling God in the wind towards the end of the book, so whenever the wind blew, He would feel Gods presence.
It's like this: you know the wind is there. You can't see it, but you can feel it.
That's exactly what God is.
--Chrissy Z
Thursday, June 17, 2010
"Scars don't dictate who we are, they only dictate where we've been"
I continuously think about the following:
1. Will my dad ever heal?
2. Am I really doing what God wants me to do rather than what I want to do?
3. What would I be thinking if I saw what I was doing now in 7th or 8th grade?
On number 3: I would be thinking... who are all these people surrounding me? Why are they laughing with me, why are they showing love towards me? Where did they come from...?
Besides the obvious questions, I think one I would ask is, "How did I become so blessed?"
and I still ask that question. Daily. Why, God, did you bless me with all these amazing friends and family I have? I am so undeserving, and there are so many other people in the world who need these blessings more than I.
with the good things that come along in life, and especially with the trials that come along in life, one statement remains at the core:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
and another amazing thing to remember:
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." -1 Corinthians 10:13
I wrote a song on Monday called 'New Year.' I feel like the beginning of summer is the beginning of my New Year. I feel like this is when change enters in myself, my surrounding, and other people. The good kind. I always say I'm a 'summer girl', and this is partially why. I start over in the summmer, I restart my system; my thinking, my joyfullness. Everything.
There have been summers where I have been scarred. (No, I didn't mispell 'scared' I meant 'scarred'.) Scarred severly, at a young age too. But nothing from intention, it's all from what is usually scarring me and continues to do so.
There have been summers where, I forget my scars are there. I can feel them from time to time, but I forget about my scars; and remember the parts of myself that aren't.
This is one of those summers. But not only will I remember the parts that aren't scarred, I'll embrace the parts that are. I'll love them and be thankful for them just as I'm thankful for the parts that aren't scarred, that are clean. I'll treat my scars with care, that almost; they're cleaner than the scarless parts of me.
A revolution is beginning this summer. I don't know what's going to happen. And I hope this summer doesn't go by fast. It's almost like I can't see past the summer. I don't really want to anyway, I'm not looking that much forward to high school. But hopefully I'll learn to embrace high school like I now embrace the things that hurt me the most.
If only the whole world could embrace what hurts them. No, don't go cuddling with a machete. But embrace the people that are out to abuse you. Because obviously, something is abusing them as well.
In the song I wrote on Monday, the lyrics said:
"The New Year's starting point is in the summer, the new song begins with pace set by the drummer... January comes around like a broken friend, but the broken are most beautiful in the end"
(there's a bunch more lyrics where the ... is, but i thought those parts fit best together)
I feel like, it's the broken that need to be embraced the most. So I'm doing that this summer, embracing what's broken inside of me.
It's funny... I don't really feel like anything is broken inside of me right now. Yeah, I see scars; but I mostly see amazing things bound to happen.
God is good. Way more than good.
--Chrissy Z
1. Will my dad ever heal?
2. Am I really doing what God wants me to do rather than what I want to do?
3. What would I be thinking if I saw what I was doing now in 7th or 8th grade?
On number 3: I would be thinking... who are all these people surrounding me? Why are they laughing with me, why are they showing love towards me? Where did they come from...?
Besides the obvious questions, I think one I would ask is, "How did I become so blessed?"
and I still ask that question. Daily. Why, God, did you bless me with all these amazing friends and family I have? I am so undeserving, and there are so many other people in the world who need these blessings more than I.
with the good things that come along in life, and especially with the trials that come along in life, one statement remains at the core:
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." -Jeremiah 29:11
and another amazing thing to remember:
"No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." -1 Corinthians 10:13
I wrote a song on Monday called 'New Year.' I feel like the beginning of summer is the beginning of my New Year. I feel like this is when change enters in myself, my surrounding, and other people. The good kind. I always say I'm a 'summer girl', and this is partially why. I start over in the summmer, I restart my system; my thinking, my joyfullness. Everything.
There have been summers where I have been scarred. (No, I didn't mispell 'scared' I meant 'scarred'.) Scarred severly, at a young age too. But nothing from intention, it's all from what is usually scarring me and continues to do so.
There have been summers where, I forget my scars are there. I can feel them from time to time, but I forget about my scars; and remember the parts of myself that aren't.
This is one of those summers. But not only will I remember the parts that aren't scarred, I'll embrace the parts that are. I'll love them and be thankful for them just as I'm thankful for the parts that aren't scarred, that are clean. I'll treat my scars with care, that almost; they're cleaner than the scarless parts of me.
A revolution is beginning this summer. I don't know what's going to happen. And I hope this summer doesn't go by fast. It's almost like I can't see past the summer. I don't really want to anyway, I'm not looking that much forward to high school. But hopefully I'll learn to embrace high school like I now embrace the things that hurt me the most.
If only the whole world could embrace what hurts them. No, don't go cuddling with a machete. But embrace the people that are out to abuse you. Because obviously, something is abusing them as well.
In the song I wrote on Monday, the lyrics said:
"The New Year's starting point is in the summer, the new song begins with pace set by the drummer... January comes around like a broken friend, but the broken are most beautiful in the end"
(there's a bunch more lyrics where the ... is, but i thought those parts fit best together)
I feel like, it's the broken that need to be embraced the most. So I'm doing that this summer, embracing what's broken inside of me.
It's funny... I don't really feel like anything is broken inside of me right now. Yeah, I see scars; but I mostly see amazing things bound to happen.
God is good. Way more than good.
--Chrissy Z
Sunday, June 13, 2010
"Yet"
Psalm 55:21--
"His speech is smooth as butter,
yet war is in his heart;
his words are more soothing than oil,
yet they are drawn swords."
Hmm...
"His speech is smooth as butter,
yet war is in his heart;
his words are more soothing than oil,
yet they are drawn swords."
Hmm...
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
But in Truth, people truly fail because;
Another reason why people fail:
they don't feel appreciated; they don't feel loved. They don't feel motivated to strive forth for anyone or anything when they lack feeling loved. Even if they ARE loved; if they are lacking the knowledge that they are in fact loved; they fail. Love never fails. Let people know you love them, that way, they can never fail.
That's what I'm gonna do.
3 words I don't like:
1. milk.
2. if.
3. fail.
I love you, ti amo.
--Chrissy Z
they don't feel appreciated; they don't feel loved. They don't feel motivated to strive forth for anyone or anything when they lack feeling loved. Even if they ARE loved; if they are lacking the knowledge that they are in fact loved; they fail. Love never fails. Let people know you love them, that way, they can never fail.
That's what I'm gonna do.
3 words I don't like:
1. milk.
2. if.
3. fail.
I love you, ti amo.
--Chrissy Z
Monday, June 7, 2010
Why rely on Faith when you have a Shortcut? Because;
I never realized it before, but I think I found the reason why failure exists.
People want the easy way out.
If that's not the only reason, it's definatley one of the stronger reasons why people fail themselves.
I know someone who doesn't do to well in school. This person used to do things to get A's, and he/she said it was okay because everyone else was doing it. But it was considered cheating, and it didn't truly practice his/her skill in the subject. And you know what? He/she is failing the class.
I used to know someone else who went to this big, blown up church; the kind of church so-called "Christians" go to on Easter and Christmas Eve, then never go back. Which, I still question if you need church to call yourself a Christian; but anyways. His/her whole family would go, then they would leave and still continue their terrible, selfish ways. They go to church because they wanted the easy way to heaven-- too bad there isn't one.
I'm learning that, if you seek things in life that will truly fufill you, it won't be easy finding them. Strangely, or maybe not strangely; naturally rather, I'm okay with that. I'm okay with working for things in life. I won't even touch the 'easy' way if it's not the right way. It's almost the 'smart thing or right thing' scenario. I've learned doing the right thing proves to be better than doing the smart thing. Easy to say, people often associate 'easy' with 'smart', or reverse. I've told myself to not think like that anymore... no matter how lazy I feel.
It's ironic that this occurred to me when I was sitting in geography asking to copy someone's study guide answers (which we didn't need to turn in, so I thought it would be okay). It also proves that I am hypocritical, which I'm willing to accept and change.
Please keep praying for my family, pray intensely and passionatley for them.
--Chrissy Z
People want the easy way out.
If that's not the only reason, it's definatley one of the stronger reasons why people fail themselves.
I know someone who doesn't do to well in school. This person used to do things to get A's, and he/she said it was okay because everyone else was doing it. But it was considered cheating, and it didn't truly practice his/her skill in the subject. And you know what? He/she is failing the class.
I used to know someone else who went to this big, blown up church; the kind of church so-called "Christians" go to on Easter and Christmas Eve, then never go back. Which, I still question if you need church to call yourself a Christian; but anyways. His/her whole family would go, then they would leave and still continue their terrible, selfish ways. They go to church because they wanted the easy way to heaven-- too bad there isn't one.
I'm learning that, if you seek things in life that will truly fufill you, it won't be easy finding them. Strangely, or maybe not strangely; naturally rather, I'm okay with that. I'm okay with working for things in life. I won't even touch the 'easy' way if it's not the right way. It's almost the 'smart thing or right thing' scenario. I've learned doing the right thing proves to be better than doing the smart thing. Easy to say, people often associate 'easy' with 'smart', or reverse. I've told myself to not think like that anymore... no matter how lazy I feel.
It's ironic that this occurred to me when I was sitting in geography asking to copy someone's study guide answers (which we didn't need to turn in, so I thought it would be okay). It also proves that I am hypocritical, which I'm willing to accept and change.
Please keep praying for my family, pray intensely and passionatley for them.
--Chrissy Z
Sunday, May 30, 2010
And this is how I choose to live, As if I'm jumping off a cliff"
It's been a while, but I think Writer's block and not alot of free time is all I have for an excuse.
for those of you who actually read this, thanks! it means alot to Haley and I, even though I've been a serious blog-hog... again, sorry haley.
reily minton and i were hanging out last night, having what we now call a 'forever younglife friday' where we basically get a bunch of our friends together and chill/do whatever. fellowship, worship, messing around-ship; and every inch of it's fueled by God-- even when the 'awesome' team pwns the opposing team in kickball(which we successfully did :D) anyway, riles (reily) and i were laying in the cool grass, staring at the stars; and it was silent. a GOOD silent. the kind of silent where the quote, "sometimes there is peace in chaos. a serene lullaby in disorder and anarchy of life. one just has to listen." (Stephen Christian) would be TOTALLY appropriate. i shattered the silence by finally telling my good friend why i love stars so much...
because, they are a perfect representation of how a true Christ followers life should be. they should be such lights in the dark, so light and pure; that other little stars are made just from there light God has put in them. we should be THAT bright; always being pure, and following God every step of our lives. and help other people reflect God's light as well... we're are the stars, and God could be considered the moon; in this sense. we try to shine as bright as the moon, and eventually we blow up and go to star-heaven... (i didn't really mention that last part to reily... hehehe :D)
a few more subjects were tossed around, and she eventually told me she likes to live life of the edge. i think we came across it because she said she's a big risk-taker or something. when i hear 'on-the-edge' i think of your typical edgy, dare-devil never-thinking-before-doing kind of person... and the label definatley did NOT fit reily! then she explained why she lives living life that way: she likes the view from the edge.
we were sitting on a hill at the time, and she said, "see? i like the edge, like i like the edge of this hill. i like sitting on the edge of the hill because of the amazing view" (at the time, the view was of a big handful of city lights... it was nice.) it made me realize: i think i like living on the edge because of that same reason, too. the view is amazing. and most of the time, we don't know how the view from the edge got there, or why it's there, or how it came crumbled together as a handful of city-lights; but it's true and it's there. and that often proves to be the one core thing a human can always depend on-- the truth.
wait a sec... "He is the way, the TRUTH, and the LIGHT."-- John 14:6
lights. stars. moon. city lights. view. truth.
this seriously JUST all came together as i typed this. it's amazing how God makes thins work together like that sometimes... TRULY amazing.
maybe God wants us all to live on the edge, then. after all, if we fall; He'd catch us.
a Relient K lyric that went well with this apiffany: "And this is how I choose to live, As if I'm jumping off a cliff, knowing that you'll save me..." (Life after Death and Taxes)
Jumping off a cliff, seeing the view from it... we'll be pushed to the edge eventually in our lives, and when we're there, we'll have the choice of running away, jumping off the cliff, or embracing the view from the cliff. me personally: i haven't decided yet, but for now... i'm just embracing the edge.
--Chrissy Z
for those of you who actually read this, thanks! it means alot to Haley and I, even though I've been a serious blog-hog... again, sorry haley.
reily minton and i were hanging out last night, having what we now call a 'forever younglife friday' where we basically get a bunch of our friends together and chill/do whatever. fellowship, worship, messing around-ship; and every inch of it's fueled by God-- even when the 'awesome' team pwns the opposing team in kickball(which we successfully did :D) anyway, riles (reily) and i were laying in the cool grass, staring at the stars; and it was silent. a GOOD silent. the kind of silent where the quote, "sometimes there is peace in chaos. a serene lullaby in disorder and anarchy of life. one just has to listen." (Stephen Christian) would be TOTALLY appropriate. i shattered the silence by finally telling my good friend why i love stars so much...
because, they are a perfect representation of how a true Christ followers life should be. they should be such lights in the dark, so light and pure; that other little stars are made just from there light God has put in them. we should be THAT bright; always being pure, and following God every step of our lives. and help other people reflect God's light as well... we're are the stars, and God could be considered the moon; in this sense. we try to shine as bright as the moon, and eventually we blow up and go to star-heaven... (i didn't really mention that last part to reily... hehehe :D)
a few more subjects were tossed around, and she eventually told me she likes to live life of the edge. i think we came across it because she said she's a big risk-taker or something. when i hear 'on-the-edge' i think of your typical edgy, dare-devil never-thinking-before-doing kind of person... and the label definatley did NOT fit reily! then she explained why she lives living life that way: she likes the view from the edge.
we were sitting on a hill at the time, and she said, "see? i like the edge, like i like the edge of this hill. i like sitting on the edge of the hill because of the amazing view" (at the time, the view was of a big handful of city lights... it was nice.) it made me realize: i think i like living on the edge because of that same reason, too. the view is amazing. and most of the time, we don't know how the view from the edge got there, or why it's there, or how it came crumbled together as a handful of city-lights; but it's true and it's there. and that often proves to be the one core thing a human can always depend on-- the truth.
wait a sec... "He is the way, the TRUTH, and the LIGHT."-- John 14:6
lights. stars. moon. city lights. view. truth.
this seriously JUST all came together as i typed this. it's amazing how God makes thins work together like that sometimes... TRULY amazing.
maybe God wants us all to live on the edge, then. after all, if we fall; He'd catch us.
a Relient K lyric that went well with this apiffany: "And this is how I choose to live, As if I'm jumping off a cliff, knowing that you'll save me..." (Life after Death and Taxes)
Jumping off a cliff, seeing the view from it... we'll be pushed to the edge eventually in our lives, and when we're there, we'll have the choice of running away, jumping off the cliff, or embracing the view from the cliff. me personally: i haven't decided yet, but for now... i'm just embracing the edge.
--Chrissy Z
Monday, May 17, 2010
"It is Well"
I'm writing this at the school library... I feel so coffee house-ish.
Hehe, I kinda like it.
Anyway, 2 nights ago we were having a bible study at Haley's house and we stumbled across alot of things as we read in 2 Peter. A passage we were working on:
2 Peter:
5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.
We discussed how we liked the fact it was like a flowchart, and it is. It's a progression leading up to love itself. We also thought about it in reverse-- from love to brotherly kindness, from brotherly kindness to godliness; and so on. We discussed each transistion and how one step built up to the next step, and it really spoke to me.
But after that, we strolled outside and occupied the middle of the street, only having Joe's guitar, our COA songbooks, and ourselves to provide the music. It was SO good to just be under God's glowing creations we label as 'stars' and under that raw worship.
One of the songs we sang was "It is Well", a classic & favorite hymn of mine. The Lyrics:
1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
it is well, it is well with my soul.
2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
let this blest assurance control,
that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
and hath shed his own blood for my soul.
(Refrain)
3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
(Refrain)
4. And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
even so, it is well with my soul.
(Refrain)
The whole song spoke to me, but I think verse 4 was written in bold letters across my mind. Especially with this sadness linguiring inside of me; it was a great reminder that I don't have to be sad. I have a great, solid relationship with God; and I couldn't ask for anything more. And sadness will come and go, but God stays... forever.
It is WELL with my soul. <3
--Chrissy Z
Hehe, I kinda like it.
Anyway, 2 nights ago we were having a bible study at Haley's house and we stumbled across alot of things as we read in 2 Peter. A passage we were working on:
2 Peter:
5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love.
We discussed how we liked the fact it was like a flowchart, and it is. It's a progression leading up to love itself. We also thought about it in reverse-- from love to brotherly kindness, from brotherly kindness to godliness; and so on. We discussed each transistion and how one step built up to the next step, and it really spoke to me.
But after that, we strolled outside and occupied the middle of the street, only having Joe's guitar, our COA songbooks, and ourselves to provide the music. It was SO good to just be under God's glowing creations we label as 'stars' and under that raw worship.
One of the songs we sang was "It is Well", a classic & favorite hymn of mine. The Lyrics:
1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
Refrain:
It is well with my soul,
it is well, it is well with my soul.
2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
let this blest assurance control,
that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
and hath shed his own blood for my soul.
(Refrain)
3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
(Refrain)
4. And, Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
even so, it is well with my soul.
(Refrain)
The whole song spoke to me, but I think verse 4 was written in bold letters across my mind. Especially with this sadness linguiring inside of me; it was a great reminder that I don't have to be sad. I have a great, solid relationship with God; and I couldn't ask for anything more. And sadness will come and go, but God stays... forever.
It is WELL with my soul. <3
--Chrissy Z
Friday, May 14, 2010
Oh Fire Burn Inside Me.
First off.
HALEY! I'm sorry for posting so many blog posts instead of you posting some. I've just really been needing to write this week and I feel like this is a good way of doing so.
Anyway, this week was a trip. A painful trip, both the trip that makes you think "What the heck is going on?!" and trip like "I tripped over a rock, oww." Which births a very negative connotation of my week, and also the question "Well why is your week not as good as last weeks or the week before? Why do you seem so SAD?"
(I've only been asked that 5 million times this week! :P)
The truth is, I don't have a specific reason for feeling this way. I guess it's a mixture of things. Don't get me wrong, I have an amazing life that's blessed in infinity ways; but I just feel this general sadness lingering inside of me. But like the bonfire lit up the dark sky tonight when I was hanging out with some friends; I honestly can say one slither of light that cracks through will make a huge difference. And it did.
Today, as He has this past few months, God has shown me what amazing friends I have. (Refer back to the post: "I Can Finally See the Sunset... I'm gonna Call it Home.") And he's shown me, it's times like those that remind me God has purpose inside of me burning to be set free amongst all these worries and anxieties. This fire is way more visable than the dark, and my eyes are more attracted to the fire than to the darkness. I'm praying to God He makes that burning passion so strong that it overpowers the darkness to where I'm not able to see it any longer... or feel it. Funny, I'd rather be burned by a fire of passion than left alone in the cold dark! I am DEFINATLEY a summer girl. (:
As humans, we need to all see that these gifts God's given us are way more visable than any darkness; and even a sliver of the fire we call gifts can light up a room and instantly inspire people. We just need to stop focusing on the darkness, or else we'll be let cold & wet alone in the dark because we refuse to focus on anything else... even if your heart is drenched in a complete FIRE of passion and gifts!!
There's a good song by Tenth Avenue North called "Healing Begins", which talks about a similar thing: this light meeting the darkness. My friend Reily (Riles!) brought it up, and here are some ot its highlighted lyrics:
So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
Hmm. The healing begins AFTER you let the walls fall down? AFTER you take down these walls of defense (well, walls you THINK are defending you but are truly just covering up insecurities and imperfections)? Thank you, Tenth Avenue North, for bringing a good point up: the walls fall down, then the light meets the dark, than Healing begins.
I think I've been stuck on step 1 for a couple years now.
Would you feel the same way about yourself?
HALEY! I'm sorry for posting so many blog posts instead of you posting some. I've just really been needing to write this week and I feel like this is a good way of doing so.
Anyway, this week was a trip. A painful trip, both the trip that makes you think "What the heck is going on?!" and trip like "I tripped over a rock, oww." Which births a very negative connotation of my week, and also the question "Well why is your week not as good as last weeks or the week before? Why do you seem so SAD?"
(I've only been asked that 5 million times this week! :P)
The truth is, I don't have a specific reason for feeling this way. I guess it's a mixture of things. Don't get me wrong, I have an amazing life that's blessed in infinity ways; but I just feel this general sadness lingering inside of me. But like the bonfire lit up the dark sky tonight when I was hanging out with some friends; I honestly can say one slither of light that cracks through will make a huge difference. And it did.
Today, as He has this past few months, God has shown me what amazing friends I have. (Refer back to the post: "I Can Finally See the Sunset... I'm gonna Call it Home.") And he's shown me, it's times like those that remind me God has purpose inside of me burning to be set free amongst all these worries and anxieties. This fire is way more visable than the dark, and my eyes are more attracted to the fire than to the darkness. I'm praying to God He makes that burning passion so strong that it overpowers the darkness to where I'm not able to see it any longer... or feel it. Funny, I'd rather be burned by a fire of passion than left alone in the cold dark! I am DEFINATLEY a summer girl. (:
As humans, we need to all see that these gifts God's given us are way more visable than any darkness; and even a sliver of the fire we call gifts can light up a room and instantly inspire people. We just need to stop focusing on the darkness, or else we'll be let cold & wet alone in the dark because we refuse to focus on anything else... even if your heart is drenched in a complete FIRE of passion and gifts!!
There's a good song by Tenth Avenue North called "Healing Begins", which talks about a similar thing: this light meeting the darkness. My friend Reily (Riles!) brought it up, and here are some ot its highlighted lyrics:
So let 'em fall down
There's freedom waiting in the sound
When you let your walls fall to the ground
We're here now
This is where the healing begins, oh
This is where the healing starts
When you come to where you're broken within
The light meets the dark
Hmm. The healing begins AFTER you let the walls fall down? AFTER you take down these walls of defense (well, walls you THINK are defending you but are truly just covering up insecurities and imperfections)? Thank you, Tenth Avenue North, for bringing a good point up: the walls fall down, then the light meets the dark, than Healing begins.
I think I've been stuck on step 1 for a couple years now.
Would you feel the same way about yourself?
Monday, May 10, 2010
A Moment of Silence.
Have you ever dealt with death?
Even if it was death covering a person you never knew. Have you ever dealt with it?
I think death itself is what motivates alot of humanity's fears, even motivates the everyday decisions we make.
I came up with this theory as a younger girl and still believe it to this day.
But I've never actually felt the emptiness of knowing someone, someone in your actual everday enviroment; even if not in your presence but in your community, is dead. They're not gone, they're still alive in a spiritual sense; but they are dead physically.
Rereading that last statement over stills my heart...
I approach this topic because of a girl named Yla who attended Chino Hills High. She was very involved in choir and brought smiles and warmth to everyone around her.
She passed away May 10, 2010 due to an allergic reaction to peanut butter.
Rest in peace, Yla-- you were loved by many and will continue to be loved by many. You've warmed many people's hearts and will be in a huge amount of people's prayers.
Yla made me think about it. I don't even know this girl- I've never even talked to her- and I still feel this compassion and thick sympathy. Although I will never ever EVER be able to even FATHOM the pain her family and friends must be going through, a empty quiet feeling sit on my heart. One that at the same time is silenced because Yla deserves a moment of silence, and a silence because I truly don't know what else to say- my mind is struggling to function at the thought of death actually happening.
Thousands, Millions, Billions of people die each day. But one death of one life and cause such enormous impacts on thousands of others lives, as shown in Yla's life. Continous statuses of "Yla, you warmed the earth with your smile" and "Yla, you're amazing and will be missed" flood my facebook homepage, and it makes me think: death is probably one of the things the human mind knows the least about. Death is probably one of the things humans can handle or grip or fathom the least, too.
Yla, thank you for singing in the CHHS choir, thank you for bringing so many smiles and so much happiness, thank you for being you. I don't know you but you're already impacting me.
Rest in Peace Yla Aquino, May 10th, 2010
Even if it was death covering a person you never knew. Have you ever dealt with it?
I think death itself is what motivates alot of humanity's fears, even motivates the everyday decisions we make.
I came up with this theory as a younger girl and still believe it to this day.
But I've never actually felt the emptiness of knowing someone, someone in your actual everday enviroment; even if not in your presence but in your community, is dead. They're not gone, they're still alive in a spiritual sense; but they are dead physically.
Rereading that last statement over stills my heart...
I approach this topic because of a girl named Yla who attended Chino Hills High. She was very involved in choir and brought smiles and warmth to everyone around her.
She passed away May 10, 2010 due to an allergic reaction to peanut butter.
Rest in peace, Yla-- you were loved by many and will continue to be loved by many. You've warmed many people's hearts and will be in a huge amount of people's prayers.
Yla made me think about it. I don't even know this girl- I've never even talked to her- and I still feel this compassion and thick sympathy. Although I will never ever EVER be able to even FATHOM the pain her family and friends must be going through, a empty quiet feeling sit on my heart. One that at the same time is silenced because Yla deserves a moment of silence, and a silence because I truly don't know what else to say- my mind is struggling to function at the thought of death actually happening.
Thousands, Millions, Billions of people die each day. But one death of one life and cause such enormous impacts on thousands of others lives, as shown in Yla's life. Continous statuses of "Yla, you warmed the earth with your smile" and "Yla, you're amazing and will be missed" flood my facebook homepage, and it makes me think: death is probably one of the things the human mind knows the least about. Death is probably one of the things humans can handle or grip or fathom the least, too.
Yla, thank you for singing in the CHHS choir, thank you for bringing so many smiles and so much happiness, thank you for being you. I don't know you but you're already impacting me.
Rest in Peace Yla Aquino, May 10th, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
"I Can Finally See the Sunset... I'm Gonna Call it Home"
"This is Home" by Switchfoot.
I suggest you look it up. It's a really good song. Maybe a bit over-played back in the day because it was in that one Chronicles of Narnia movie, but it's lyrics bring back mainly 2 awesome memories: 7th grade, and coming to CVCC.
7th grade was such an epic year. I had a good core friends group and my teachers were good overall. God was good and supplied me with alot of Christian friends through Christian Club and other things, and it brought back memories of spring time of 7th grade, towards the end of the school year. I really liked this guy, and I didn't stand a chance considering my age AND just everything to consider; but I didn't care. I might've not cared what people thought of me back then, but I had a good time. I wish I could still be more like that, not continuously thinking about "What's that person thinking of me?" especially if it's someone I really care about. I need to realize, like in 7th grade: the only one person's opinion that actually matters is God's.
Then, fast forward about 2 years into summer of 2009. I had just gone to a summer even at CVCC-- it was this big water day with an epic huge slip n slide-- and I came home, thinking; "Wow, this church is definatley something different..." then I kept going to events and started going regularly. This particular memory actually goes with what the lyrics say. Here's what I mean:
Chorus:
This is home
Now I'm finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home
Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back
Back to how it was
And I got my heart
Set on
What happens next
I got my eyes wide
It's not over yet
We are miracles
And we're not alone
(Chorus)
And now after all
My searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I'm gonna call it home
-----------------------
I had just came from another church, and decided to try out this church with Mikaela (my sister was becoming a regular attendant already too). I guess I had my iPod on shuffle or something; because I was seriously thinking about this lyrics, thinking: "Could this church be my new home?"
Now I can't and don't want to think about life without the friends, relationships, or bonds (including with God Himself)God's created for me at this church. The other churches I've been to were fine, but this one was different. I feel so involved, and so loved (hey the world 'love' in in 'involved'! Hehe) and it's truly amazing how God's blessed me.
I was thinking about that song because I was really getting into it listening to it in the car the other day and I thought of it because youth group's tonight. I'm looking really forward to it!
Thank you God for these amazing blessings.
<3 Chrissy Z
I suggest you look it up. It's a really good song. Maybe a bit over-played back in the day because it was in that one Chronicles of Narnia movie, but it's lyrics bring back mainly 2 awesome memories: 7th grade, and coming to CVCC.
7th grade was such an epic year. I had a good core friends group and my teachers were good overall. God was good and supplied me with alot of Christian friends through Christian Club and other things, and it brought back memories of spring time of 7th grade, towards the end of the school year. I really liked this guy, and I didn't stand a chance considering my age AND just everything to consider; but I didn't care. I might've not cared what people thought of me back then, but I had a good time. I wish I could still be more like that, not continuously thinking about "What's that person thinking of me?" especially if it's someone I really care about. I need to realize, like in 7th grade: the only one person's opinion that actually matters is God's.
Then, fast forward about 2 years into summer of 2009. I had just gone to a summer even at CVCC-- it was this big water day with an epic huge slip n slide-- and I came home, thinking; "Wow, this church is definatley something different..." then I kept going to events and started going regularly. This particular memory actually goes with what the lyrics say. Here's what I mean:
Chorus:
This is home
Now I'm finally
Where I belong
Where I belong
Yeah, this is home
I've been searching
For a place of my own
Now I've found it
Maybe this is home
Yeah, this is home
Belief over misery
I've seen the enemy
And I won't go back
Back to how it was
And I got my heart
Set on
What happens next
I got my eyes wide
It's not over yet
We are miracles
And we're not alone
(Chorus)
And now after all
My searching
After all my questions
I'm gonna call it home
I got a brand new mindset
I can finally see
The sunset
I'm gonna call it home
-----------------------
I had just came from another church, and decided to try out this church with Mikaela (my sister was becoming a regular attendant already too). I guess I had my iPod on shuffle or something; because I was seriously thinking about this lyrics, thinking: "Could this church be my new home?"
Now I can't and don't want to think about life without the friends, relationships, or bonds (including with God Himself)God's created for me at this church. The other churches I've been to were fine, but this one was different. I feel so involved, and so loved (hey the world 'love' in in 'involved'! Hehe) and it's truly amazing how God's blessed me.
I was thinking about that song because I was really getting into it listening to it in the car the other day and I thought of it because youth group's tonight. I'm looking really forward to it!
Thank you God for these amazing blessings.
<3 Chrissy Z
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Unfathomable, Inevitable.
My Spring so far is made up/ based off of:
1.) God.
2.) Family.
3.) Love.
4.) CVCC.
okay past all that amazing stuff. like, the little stuff that gets imprinted in your heart that when you hear it or see it again you think "OH SPRING 2010!!"
1.) Aviators
2.) Baseball Tees (ones that AREN'T grass-stained)
3.) Baseball in general
4.) My green tank-top with leaves splattered over it (not to get confused with a grass stain. the design is actually of leaves)
5.) Arm braces. uh, I dont like that one as much.
6.) Pretty much anything off of the album "Cities" by Anberlin
7.) The Chino Hills Library on Wednesdays
8.) James 1:2-3
9.) "This is Home," "Daisy," "Don't Be There", "Playing for Keeps", "Let that Be Enough", and "on Fire", "Only Hope" and the "Hello Hurricane" CD by Switchfoot
10.) Emphasis on "On Fire" and "Daisy" by Switchfoot.
11.) The Park.
12.) Arby's, and Chic-Fil-A
13.) This Blog.
14.) The date: "May 7th"
15.) Revelations
16.) "The Orphaned Anythings" by Stephen Christian
(If you don't already know, I had a dream I was supposed to remember the date May 7th)
Life is good. God is good. Life will sometimes not be good. Sometimes it isn't. But because God is in my life is always great. More than great. More like unfathomable.
"Unfathomable" reminds me of "Inevitable" (just because of the 'ables' at the end... or is that the ONLY reason?)which is a song I LOVE by Anberlin. But I realized a couple days ago that I don't even know what the world "Inevitable" means.
Looking it up, here's the def:
1.unable to be avoided, evaded, or escaped; certain; necessary: an inevitable conclusion.
2.sure to occur, happen, or come; unalterable: The inevitable end of human life is death.
Makes sense with the song, and life. What really in the end is inevitable?
I know a couple things.
1.) God.
2.) Family.
3.) Love.
4.) CVCC.
okay past all that amazing stuff. like, the little stuff that gets imprinted in your heart that when you hear it or see it again you think "OH SPRING 2010!!"
1.) Aviators
2.) Baseball Tees (ones that AREN'T grass-stained)
3.) Baseball in general
4.) My green tank-top with leaves splattered over it (not to get confused with a grass stain. the design is actually of leaves)
5.) Arm braces. uh, I dont like that one as much.
6.) Pretty much anything off of the album "Cities" by Anberlin
7.) The Chino Hills Library on Wednesdays
8.) James 1:2-3
9.) "This is Home," "Daisy," "Don't Be There", "Playing for Keeps", "Let that Be Enough", and "on Fire", "Only Hope" and the "Hello Hurricane" CD by Switchfoot
10.) Emphasis on "On Fire" and "Daisy" by Switchfoot.
11.) The Park.
12.) Arby's, and Chic-Fil-A
13.) This Blog.
14.) The date: "May 7th"
15.) Revelations
16.) "The Orphaned Anythings" by Stephen Christian
(If you don't already know, I had a dream I was supposed to remember the date May 7th)
Life is good. God is good. Life will sometimes not be good. Sometimes it isn't. But because God is in my life is always great. More than great. More like unfathomable.
"Unfathomable" reminds me of "Inevitable" (just because of the 'ables' at the end... or is that the ONLY reason?)which is a song I LOVE by Anberlin. But I realized a couple days ago that I don't even know what the world "Inevitable" means.
Looking it up, here's the def:
1.unable to be avoided, evaded, or escaped; certain; necessary: an inevitable conclusion.
2.sure to occur, happen, or come; unalterable: The inevitable end of human life is death.
Makes sense with the song, and life. What really in the end is inevitable?
I know a couple things.
Sunday, April 25, 2010
" Love's Definition: see 'undefinable' "
Is it possible to use the word "love" too much?
That's a sad thought, but honestly, if we throw it around and use it like it's no big deal then can't it possibly lose it's value??
It's like a cell-phone. If you're a 'super texter' (unlike me) and text and use your phone all the time, it'll die faster. But if you use it for emergencies and when you actually NEED to make a call, it won't die as fast, right?
I think that's with love. People throw the word around so much it begins to lose value. Can we really fathom love? Have we even discovered love yet? (Yes.) But why would we give our family the same thing we give material objects like clothes and iPods: love?
"I think it is amazing that the english language is one of the only language's that has a sole word for 'love'. I envisage it is a word that is overly battered in our society. how can you tell you dad/mom/relative that you love them, and then within the same hour say "i love your new clothing", or "don't you just love that album?" . are we not statying that this thought/feeling caleld love can be attributed to both someone we deeply care aout and also a resplendent looking innanament object?
many songs have been written about this experience called love, but in the words of christian winterset "i love you means more if first said tomorrow."
in other words don't throw the phrase "i love you" around haphazardly like it will return to you when you truly need it to mean something. i think people should wait until they ahve observed the 'behind the scenes', and made sure the other person ahs truly proven that htye are not a mere actor/actress. for if 'all the world is a stage', then love...(is) the inspiration for each and every individual performance."
--an excerpt from "The Orphaned Anythings: A memoir of a Lesser Known" by Stephen Christian
(Yes, I got the book in the mail :D)
So instead of throwing it around, if we truly love the person, say it. make it treasurable. yes, love everybody, love your neighbors; just let's value this thing we call love more; because love can do alot more to us than we can to love itself.
That's a sad thought, but honestly, if we throw it around and use it like it's no big deal then can't it possibly lose it's value??
It's like a cell-phone. If you're a 'super texter' (unlike me) and text and use your phone all the time, it'll die faster. But if you use it for emergencies and when you actually NEED to make a call, it won't die as fast, right?
I think that's with love. People throw the word around so much it begins to lose value. Can we really fathom love? Have we even discovered love yet? (Yes.) But why would we give our family the same thing we give material objects like clothes and iPods: love?
"I think it is amazing that the english language is one of the only language's that has a sole word for 'love'. I envisage it is a word that is overly battered in our society. how can you tell you dad/mom/relative that you love them, and then within the same hour say "i love your new clothing", or "don't you just love that album?" . are we not statying that this thought/feeling caleld love can be attributed to both someone we deeply care aout and also a resplendent looking innanament object?
many songs have been written about this experience called love, but in the words of christian winterset "i love you means more if first said tomorrow."
in other words don't throw the phrase "i love you" around haphazardly like it will return to you when you truly need it to mean something. i think people should wait until they ahve observed the 'behind the scenes', and made sure the other person ahs truly proven that htye are not a mere actor/actress. for if 'all the world is a stage', then love...(is) the inspiration for each and every individual performance."
--an excerpt from "The Orphaned Anythings: A memoir of a Lesser Known" by Stephen Christian
(Yes, I got the book in the mail :D)
So instead of throwing it around, if we truly love the person, say it. make it treasurable. yes, love everybody, love your neighbors; just let's value this thing we call love more; because love can do alot more to us than we can to love itself.
Monday, April 19, 2010
Empty Paper, Anyone?
You know, a while back, I found an empty journal-looking thing. I wanted to use it, but I didn't like how the cover looked.
A few months later, I found the journal and seemed to not care about what the cover looked like. I opened it, and I flipped through it, and the pages were so white, clean, and crisp. I love the smoothness of a blank sheet of paper- this journal wasn't even lined paper, it was just blank.
What could I possibly DO with the thousands of papers? My default thought is automatically: "I'm going to write a song." But now that I think about it, I could totally do THOUSANDS of things with that peice of paper. Gah, it's such a simple thought but it still gets me thinking.
And because the journal has lots and lots of blank pages in it, if I mess up on whatever I decide to do with the papers, I can just throw the paper away and start over on the next page. Hmm...
I know I may go a bit crazy with the symbolism sometimes, but I really feel like this is a good representation of something-- my life. My life is the journal. There's always blank sheets of paper, and there's thousands of things I can do with it. And if I mess up, God'll just provide a new piece of paper to write on- scribble on- whatever.
I learned something similar to this when from a past church I use to go to. We learned about how, in coloring books, you color and go wild; and if you go outside the lines or mess up, you can just flip to the next paper.
What am I gonna do with my life? How will I represent God on my paper, how will I bring glory to Him?
What the heck am I gonna write on those blank pieces of paper?!
I'll let you know when I find out.
--Chrissy Z
A few months later, I found the journal and seemed to not care about what the cover looked like. I opened it, and I flipped through it, and the pages were so white, clean, and crisp. I love the smoothness of a blank sheet of paper- this journal wasn't even lined paper, it was just blank.
What could I possibly DO with the thousands of papers? My default thought is automatically: "I'm going to write a song." But now that I think about it, I could totally do THOUSANDS of things with that peice of paper. Gah, it's such a simple thought but it still gets me thinking.
And because the journal has lots and lots of blank pages in it, if I mess up on whatever I decide to do with the papers, I can just throw the paper away and start over on the next page. Hmm...
I know I may go a bit crazy with the symbolism sometimes, but I really feel like this is a good representation of something-- my life. My life is the journal. There's always blank sheets of paper, and there's thousands of things I can do with it. And if I mess up, God'll just provide a new piece of paper to write on- scribble on- whatever.
I learned something similar to this when from a past church I use to go to. We learned about how, in coloring books, you color and go wild; and if you go outside the lines or mess up, you can just flip to the next paper.
What am I gonna do with my life? How will I represent God on my paper, how will I bring glory to Him?
What the heck am I gonna write on those blank pieces of paper?!
I'll let you know when I find out.
--Chrissy Z
Friday, April 16, 2010
Happy (is a Yuppie Word) Friday!!
Hey.
So if you are a big Switchfoot fan like Haley and I, you would get the title of this post... they have a song called "Happy is a Yuppie Word." I've never really read the lyrics, but that statement, "Happy is a yuppie word" I think kinda means the word 'happy' is just kinda a crowd-pleaser word... or something to lift you up 2 inches off the ground when you're feeling as low as the ground itself. My 8th grade algebra teacher once told me... "There's a difference between 'Joy' and 'Happiness'." Happiness is more temporary, I think; like "I'm HAPPY I got an A on my Geometry test (a TRUE miracle)!" or "I found a $20 bill on the ground, I'm so HAPPY!" But 'Joy' is more of retaining this pure, good feeling inside even when hard times do come. Joy: 'I sprained my wrist, but I'm still joyful!!' Ha. ;] When I'm joyful, I feel this overwhelming calmness, love, passion, grace, faith, and thanksgiving all mixed into one amazing combo package (ew I made 'Joy' sound like a Happy Meal... HAHAHA "HAPPY" meal!!!) I mean maybe that's why they call them 'Happy' Meals anyway... those chicken nuggets and awesome toys only bring temporary pleasure. (Well, except for when they were giving out video games in happy meals... I STILL have it!! Hehe, kidding)
But it's like... people go through their whole lives looking for 'happiness.' They'll read books, spend lots of money, and do the stupidest things for temporary pleasure. I'm guilty, too. And it's like... why go to all this trouble looking for this illusion that will only last for a little while when you've already have an awesome opprotunity to have that pleasure plus more that will last forever?
Not just your average happy meal... God's meal for you. Hmm...
"Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends."--Revelation 3:20 (NLV)
I have to wonder, did Jesus literally mean sharing an actual meal, or maybe a meal more than food? Some sort of a, symbolic meal? Maybe even both?!
Well, I can definatley say I'm trying to focus on joy in my life right now. Alot of trials are coming my way, and they have been for myself and my family and some of my friends; but we all just have to find joy in our trials. Right...?
"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy."-- James 1:2
If we could all just learn to do this, imagine!! Life would be so joyful. Trials could come, but they wouldn't even effect us!!!
And when the trials DO come, if we have faith like THIS...
" "You don't have enough faith," Jesus told them. "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible." "--Matthew 17:20
I was reading this last night, and it hit me like the back of God's hand!! If we all had even a mustard seed of faith, we could do ANYTHING! We could face any fears, and if we have faith when we pray, things could change; people could change. I'd be less saddened from these trials, and my Dad would be running around with my children someday!!
Wow. God is good, and He's showed me so many things to be more-than-happy about. I was so sad earlier today, but writing this really lifted my spirits. My prayer tonight to God: that He would bless me with the ability to remain joyful throughout these hard times, to have faith MORE than a mustard seed in Him always, and to always remember; these trials are helping me "work out my salvation with fear and trembling."
THE PEICES ARE ALL COMING TOGETHER THROUGH THE BIBLE... IT ROCKS!!!
Happy Friday!... eh, nevermind.
JOYFUL Friday! (:
--Chrissy Z
So if you are a big Switchfoot fan like Haley and I, you would get the title of this post... they have a song called "Happy is a Yuppie Word." I've never really read the lyrics, but that statement, "Happy is a yuppie word" I think kinda means the word 'happy' is just kinda a crowd-pleaser word... or something to lift you up 2 inches off the ground when you're feeling as low as the ground itself. My 8th grade algebra teacher once told me... "There's a difference between 'Joy' and 'Happiness'." Happiness is more temporary, I think; like "I'm HAPPY I got an A on my Geometry test (a TRUE miracle)!" or "I found a $20 bill on the ground, I'm so HAPPY!" But 'Joy' is more of retaining this pure, good feeling inside even when hard times do come. Joy: 'I sprained my wrist, but I'm still joyful!!' Ha. ;] When I'm joyful, I feel this overwhelming calmness, love, passion, grace, faith, and thanksgiving all mixed into one amazing combo package (ew I made 'Joy' sound like a Happy Meal... HAHAHA "HAPPY" meal!!!) I mean maybe that's why they call them 'Happy' Meals anyway... those chicken nuggets and awesome toys only bring temporary pleasure. (Well, except for when they were giving out video games in happy meals... I STILL have it!! Hehe, kidding)
But it's like... people go through their whole lives looking for 'happiness.' They'll read books, spend lots of money, and do the stupidest things for temporary pleasure. I'm guilty, too. And it's like... why go to all this trouble looking for this illusion that will only last for a little while when you've already have an awesome opprotunity to have that pleasure plus more that will last forever?
Not just your average happy meal... God's meal for you. Hmm...
"Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends."--Revelation 3:20 (NLV)
I have to wonder, did Jesus literally mean sharing an actual meal, or maybe a meal more than food? Some sort of a, symbolic meal? Maybe even both?!
Well, I can definatley say I'm trying to focus on joy in my life right now. Alot of trials are coming my way, and they have been for myself and my family and some of my friends; but we all just have to find joy in our trials. Right...?
"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy."-- James 1:2
If we could all just learn to do this, imagine!! Life would be so joyful. Trials could come, but they wouldn't even effect us!!!
And when the trials DO come, if we have faith like THIS...
" "You don't have enough faith," Jesus told them. "I tell you the truth, if you had faith even as small as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it would move. Nothing would be impossible." "--Matthew 17:20
I was reading this last night, and it hit me like the back of God's hand!! If we all had even a mustard seed of faith, we could do ANYTHING! We could face any fears, and if we have faith when we pray, things could change; people could change. I'd be less saddened from these trials, and my Dad would be running around with my children someday!!
Wow. God is good, and He's showed me so many things to be more-than-happy about. I was so sad earlier today, but writing this really lifted my spirits. My prayer tonight to God: that He would bless me with the ability to remain joyful throughout these hard times, to have faith MORE than a mustard seed in Him always, and to always remember; these trials are helping me "work out my salvation with fear and trembling."
THE PEICES ARE ALL COMING TOGETHER THROUGH THE BIBLE... IT ROCKS!!!
Happy Friday!... eh, nevermind.
JOYFUL Friday! (:
--Chrissy Z
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
-Sigh- Another Sick Day...
Ick, another sick day. I totally thought this could be one of those one-day things... guess not. Well, I have an extended spring break! Not the way I would've planned it, but hey, if it keeps me out of school... kidding.
While I get some time at home, I spend alot of that time on the computer (ick... it's not healthy to have my eyes glued on a big glowing screen for this long). But the good thing is, I've gotten a chance to look at some stuff. One thing I got to check out was this book called "The Orphaned Anythings: A Memoir of a Lesser Known" by Stephen Christian (lead singer of Anberlin and Anchor & Braille) :D! He has such a unique style of writing, of course it's just how the character is, but how the character is potrayed is beyond me. You really get inside this guy's head, and maybe I'm over-exaggerating, but I'm so tired of reading 3rd person books in school. They're still good books, but I like seeing the character's point of view, almost being the character. Maybe that's just me?
Anyway, my dad said I can order it, so I'm excited for that.
Other than that, I've been messing around with instruments in my house. I learned and memorized the chords of "Only Hope" by Switchfoot on the piano and have been practicing it like crazy!! I'm also messing around a bit with my sister's ukelele... but don't tell HER that!!
What I really want to learn is the guitar. But for some reason, everyone seems to want to, lately. It's almost like they want to learn guitar just because everyone else is, because it's a trend. Like recycling! People wear "Go Green" or "Recycle" all over there clothes or whatever, but then they litter (I'm guilty of this myself). It's lame. And it's not why I want to learn guitar. Then again, drums would be pretty tight to learn, to... all that trapped energy let out by gripping two sticks in your hand but letting go of yourself inside. Of course there's WAY more to it than that, but I think that's a huge part of drumming.
Instruments period are a gift from God. These crazy sounds that somehow bring pleasure within our spirits also bring pleasure to God? Music is one thing we are worthy enough to share with Him. (Singing is an instrument, too!! :D)
On another note: I was feeling really down the other night because of some family stuff, and I set my alarm to wake me up to "Daisy" by Switchfoot. As I was setting the alarm up, I thought, "This would be a good song to just play right now, look outside my window at the stars, and just be in God's presence and think." Then, "Daisy" starts playing- I didn't press play or anything. Hmm... ;)
And then, the next day I was SICK!! And the day after that, too!! :D <--- Sarcastic smile, btw.
Anyway, here are the lyrics to "Daisy":
Daisy, give yourself away/Lookup at the rain/The beautiful display/Of power and surrender/Giving us today/And she gives herself away/Rain, another rainy day/Comes up from the ocean/Give herself away/She comes down easy/On rich and debt the same/And she gives herself away/Let it go/Daisy, Let it go/Open up your fist/This fallen world/Doesn't hold your interest/It doesn't hold your soul/Daisy, let it go/Pain, give yourself a name/Call yourself contrition/Avarice of blame/Giving isn't easy/Neither is the rain/When she gives herself away/Daisy, why another day?/Why another sunrise/Who will take the blame/For all redemptive motion/And every rainy day/When he gives himself away/Let it go/Daisy, let it go/Open up your fist/This fallen world/It doesn't hold your interest/It doesn't hold your soul/Daisy, let it go
Then Jon Foreman yells let it go a bunch of times. :)
They also wrote a song called "Amy's Song". These songs that are adressed to specific names make it all more interesting, in my opinion. Imean, I know it's directed at "Amy" or "Daisy" or even "Stephen" (hehe... "Hey Stephen" by Taylor Swift XD) but somehow I relate to it, too. It's like Phillipians, Paul was specifying to the Phillipians, but we can use it's morals still everyday.
I'm starting to write songs specifying names, and they're actually some of my best yet. The bad thing is, because they say specific names, I can't show them to anybody!!
Maybe that's God telling me not to show them to anybody-- something just between me and Him. You know?
--Chrissy Z
While I get some time at home, I spend alot of that time on the computer (ick... it's not healthy to have my eyes glued on a big glowing screen for this long). But the good thing is, I've gotten a chance to look at some stuff. One thing I got to check out was this book called "The Orphaned Anythings: A Memoir of a Lesser Known" by Stephen Christian (lead singer of Anberlin and Anchor & Braille) :D! He has such a unique style of writing, of course it's just how the character is, but how the character is potrayed is beyond me. You really get inside this guy's head, and maybe I'm over-exaggerating, but I'm so tired of reading 3rd person books in school. They're still good books, but I like seeing the character's point of view, almost being the character. Maybe that's just me?
Anyway, my dad said I can order it, so I'm excited for that.
Other than that, I've been messing around with instruments in my house. I learned and memorized the chords of "Only Hope" by Switchfoot on the piano and have been practicing it like crazy!! I'm also messing around a bit with my sister's ukelele... but don't tell HER that!!
What I really want to learn is the guitar. But for some reason, everyone seems to want to, lately. It's almost like they want to learn guitar just because everyone else is, because it's a trend. Like recycling! People wear "Go Green" or "Recycle" all over there clothes or whatever, but then they litter (I'm guilty of this myself). It's lame. And it's not why I want to learn guitar. Then again, drums would be pretty tight to learn, to... all that trapped energy let out by gripping two sticks in your hand but letting go of yourself inside. Of course there's WAY more to it than that, but I think that's a huge part of drumming.
Instruments period are a gift from God. These crazy sounds that somehow bring pleasure within our spirits also bring pleasure to God? Music is one thing we are worthy enough to share with Him. (Singing is an instrument, too!! :D)
On another note: I was feeling really down the other night because of some family stuff, and I set my alarm to wake me up to "Daisy" by Switchfoot. As I was setting the alarm up, I thought, "This would be a good song to just play right now, look outside my window at the stars, and just be in God's presence and think." Then, "Daisy" starts playing- I didn't press play or anything. Hmm... ;)
And then, the next day I was SICK!! And the day after that, too!! :D <--- Sarcastic smile, btw.
Anyway, here are the lyrics to "Daisy":
Daisy, give yourself away/Lookup at the rain/The beautiful display/Of power and surrender/Giving us today/And she gives herself away/Rain, another rainy day/Comes up from the ocean/Give herself away/She comes down easy/On rich and debt the same/And she gives herself away/Let it go/Daisy, Let it go/Open up your fist/This fallen world/Doesn't hold your interest/It doesn't hold your soul/Daisy, let it go/Pain, give yourself a name/Call yourself contrition/Avarice of blame/Giving isn't easy/Neither is the rain/When she gives herself away/Daisy, why another day?/Why another sunrise/Who will take the blame/For all redemptive motion/And every rainy day/When he gives himself away/Let it go/Daisy, let it go/Open up your fist/This fallen world/It doesn't hold your interest/It doesn't hold your soul/Daisy, let it go
Then Jon Foreman yells let it go a bunch of times. :)
They also wrote a song called "Amy's Song". These songs that are adressed to specific names make it all more interesting, in my opinion. Imean, I know it's directed at "Amy" or "Daisy" or even "Stephen" (hehe... "Hey Stephen" by Taylor Swift XD) but somehow I relate to it, too. It's like Phillipians, Paul was specifying to the Phillipians, but we can use it's morals still everyday.
I'm starting to write songs specifying names, and they're actually some of my best yet. The bad thing is, because they say specific names, I can't show them to anybody!!
Maybe that's God telling me not to show them to anybody-- something just between me and Him. You know?
--Chrissy Z
Monday, April 12, 2010
Combining Math with Religion?!
“All human evil comes from a single cause, man's inability to sit still in a room.”
Yes, a mathematician came up with that idea... which I believe is 100% true!!!
Blaise Pascal is a very good example (or gives us good examples, anyway) of how a single human being doesn't have to be just logical or just spiritual. He could be both.
And, if he was crazy, he could even use geometry with love-- similar to what this guy did.
Let's see...
you + me = love ?
No, not that stupid.
Love x population = hope
Getting closer.
Hope x population= love
Interesting... though you can never 'measure' love's amount/weight/capacity, it's still interesting to see it broken down through mathematical terms.
More quotes by Pascal!!
“Belief is a wise wager. Granted that faith cannot be proved, what harm will come to you if you gamble on its truth and it proves false? If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager, then, without hesitation, that He exists"
This reminds me of two things.
One)
"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for you to gain the whole world, yet forfeit your soul? - Matthew 16, 24-26"
Two) I was once told: "I'd rather believe in God and be wrong about Him then not believe in God and be wrong about Him then."
Now I'm not sure that's a good motivation to put your trust in God, but it does have a point... and so does Pascal. You can gain so much good out of following God, and if you ARE wrong about following GOd (which, you are NOT; but just in theory) what do you have to lose?
It's like trying a new ice cream flavor. If it tastes gross, then don't get it. You're not being forced to buy it. If the ice cream flavor is good, then YAY! You get a yummy scoop of deliciousness.
What I also find interesting is how in Pascal's life he abandoned Math for the study of "the greatness and misery of mankind." He is a true example of how humanity needs more than "logic" and "reasoning" and "proof". We need spirituality, depth, and something bigger than all us of to feed our hungry souls. Because if we keep feeding ourselves with shallow math and logic, what passion do we gain?
--Chrissy Z
Yes, a mathematician came up with that idea... which I believe is 100% true!!!
Blaise Pascal is a very good example (or gives us good examples, anyway) of how a single human being doesn't have to be just logical or just spiritual. He could be both.
And, if he was crazy, he could even use geometry with love-- similar to what this guy did.
Let's see...
you + me = love ?
No, not that stupid.
Love x population = hope
Getting closer.
Hope x population= love
Interesting... though you can never 'measure' love's amount/weight/capacity, it's still interesting to see it broken down through mathematical terms.
More quotes by Pascal!!
“Belief is a wise wager. Granted that faith cannot be proved, what harm will come to you if you gamble on its truth and it proves false? If you gain, you gain all; if you lose, you lose nothing. Wager, then, without hesitation, that He exists"
This reminds me of two things.
One)
"Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save their life will lose it, but whoever loses their life for me and for the gospel will save it. What good is it for you to gain the whole world, yet forfeit your soul? - Matthew 16, 24-26"
Two) I was once told: "I'd rather believe in God and be wrong about Him then not believe in God and be wrong about Him then."
Now I'm not sure that's a good motivation to put your trust in God, but it does have a point... and so does Pascal. You can gain so much good out of following God, and if you ARE wrong about following GOd (which, you are NOT; but just in theory) what do you have to lose?
It's like trying a new ice cream flavor. If it tastes gross, then don't get it. You're not being forced to buy it. If the ice cream flavor is good, then YAY! You get a yummy scoop of deliciousness.
What I also find interesting is how in Pascal's life he abandoned Math for the study of "the greatness and misery of mankind." He is a true example of how humanity needs more than "logic" and "reasoning" and "proof". We need spirituality, depth, and something bigger than all us of to feed our hungry souls. Because if we keep feeding ourselves with shallow math and logic, what passion do we gain?
--Chrissy Z
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)