This is an excerpt from a current project I'm working on called "Letters to the Dream of Someone". It's about a girl who is writing to her future husband. So, enjoy.
#9
Dear Dream of Someone,
Summer is a good time. Oh boy is summer a good time. I was riding my friend’s bike through my old junior high school on the last day of school, and all I smell was the beautiful strawberries blooming in the west. And possibly the cinnamon bathroom scents they stuff in the porta potties on the blacktop in case of school-plumming issues and for the people that mow the lawn on Fridays, but it all came together forming a familiar mixture of my favorite smell of all time: the smell of summer.
Do you have a favorite smell, Dream? I probably know it by now. That’s something I’d really like to know, it’s important for me. I mean, if you are the “working-father” or even the “stay-home father” I’d like you to be surrounded by your favorite smell at all times so you can go back to a favorite memory of yours anytime you want. That’s what smells do for me. I guess they can take you back to not-so-great memories too, but why would your favorite scent be of something you don’t want to remember?
Can I relate to that in a bit? Somewhat. A few summers ago, wow; maybe five summers ago now actually, my dad was very very sick. Later that Christmas when he was feeling better (praise to God.) he said he was sure he was at the end of his life. But somehow in the midst of all his terrible cries I can never forget if I tried (have you ever heard a man cry? Especially your own father? I can describe it perfectly but I definatley do not want to.), in the midst of all the times I cried because all I could think was “God please oh please heal my father.”, in the midst of all the times my parents would encourage me to go have fun because they want me to of course but also because they did not want me around my father; my mother sat me down on the couch repeating to me “He’s not going to die. You’ve gotta have more faith than that.” And not only that, but even though those twist of events were most intense in that summer five years ago, the scent of summer in my house is STILL my favorite smell.
You just can’t change a person’s favorite smell. Of course, you can add favorite smells, but I don’t know if you can change them. Or at least, you can’t erase the memory a person gets when a certain scent is current.
On a different topic: Dream, I will confess something to you. My family, my house; is not perfect. In fact, it is messy. Yes, it is. The wood floor in my small kitchen is starting to tear and rot because of my leaking refrigerator. The rug of that same house has stains from when I was probably twelve years old. And the countertop is overflowing with dishes and my dad’s vitamins.
But you know what, Dream? My family is perfect to me, and for me. My house is perfect to me, and for me. My mom and I, we just spent a half an hour working on dinner and harmonizing hymns together. I walked across the rotting wood not caring about it at all because I was at peace lying on the support of my mother’s harmonies and melodies. I shoved aside bottles of vitamins and chopped lettuce as my mom and I sang “Amazing Grace”. And everything in the world was right, in that moment. And that moment will continue to keep everything right, when I look back on it and smile, everything will seem right.
You know what, Dream? Nothing is perfect. But that does not mean everything is not right. Everything is right. Every scent we experience, every piece of rotting floor we walk over. Everything is in it’s place for a reason, every person is in their mood for a reason (maybe they need to be a taught a lesson but that in itself is a reason,) every person meets someone else for a reason, my mom and I sang “Amazing Grace” for a reason.
And I wouldn’t change a thing.
I met you for a reason, didn’t I, Dream?
Love, Me
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Sunday, June 12, 2011
The New Wave (Year)
Happy New Year!
I established last year that the beginning of summer is like the beginning of the new year for me. I'm usually happier in June rather than January, so what are you gonna do?
But it certainly feels that way already, and we're only three days in. Whether my soul is being renewed by screaming random crud at the sky surrounded by your closest friends, or helping out with Jr High at church (yes! it's true!! so exciting), or on the second day of school smiling at the sight of a girl picking a flower.. and thinking how much we could learn from that one.
Summer is also a time of thought, of standing on one side of the reflection. The past few months have been a time of reflecting, seeing what I "missed" out on, looking at the mirror and thinking "dangit. dangit. dangit.", looking at the people standing behind me and seeing that they weren't ALWAYS happy like we all wish and chanting "dangit. dangit. what am I doing wrong now?"
but Summer is standing on another side of the mirror. The one people usually don't see. It's one of those see through mirrors, where you look in the mirror on one side but the other side you can see through the mirror into the person looking in the mirror.
and summer is also the time where I can look through this transparent mirror, and start to be okay with things. happy with them, quite frankly. of course, i continue to dream of how I wish things could be, but you want to the truth? I think i take joy in dreaming so much that when dreams become reality, sometimes it takes the fun out of it.
a poem once stated,
"Are you the shore
and I'm the girl?
In your waves
Should I twirl?
I've yet to see them
In the night
But I hear them crashing
'Til we see night.
It is winter,
I feel like just watching your waves
Behind this raindrop blanketed
Window
For now."
It's not winter right now, but this is how I feel. I love doing, going, loving, doing actions; but in all of these actions, watching and observing. Creating new things to reflect on in the future.
Summer 2011, I have no clue what you have in store for me. What people I will meet. What opprotunities I will have. But I'm ready to watch and act on what is planned.
Chrissy Z
I established last year that the beginning of summer is like the beginning of the new year for me. I'm usually happier in June rather than January, so what are you gonna do?
But it certainly feels that way already, and we're only three days in. Whether my soul is being renewed by screaming random crud at the sky surrounded by your closest friends, or helping out with Jr High at church (yes! it's true!! so exciting), or on the second day of school smiling at the sight of a girl picking a flower.. and thinking how much we could learn from that one.
Summer is also a time of thought, of standing on one side of the reflection. The past few months have been a time of reflecting, seeing what I "missed" out on, looking at the mirror and thinking "dangit. dangit. dangit.", looking at the people standing behind me and seeing that they weren't ALWAYS happy like we all wish and chanting "dangit. dangit. what am I doing wrong now?"
but Summer is standing on another side of the mirror. The one people usually don't see. It's one of those see through mirrors, where you look in the mirror on one side but the other side you can see through the mirror into the person looking in the mirror.
and summer is also the time where I can look through this transparent mirror, and start to be okay with things. happy with them, quite frankly. of course, i continue to dream of how I wish things could be, but you want to the truth? I think i take joy in dreaming so much that when dreams become reality, sometimes it takes the fun out of it.
a poem once stated,
"Are you the shore
and I'm the girl?
In your waves
Should I twirl?
I've yet to see them
In the night
But I hear them crashing
'Til we see night.
It is winter,
I feel like just watching your waves
Behind this raindrop blanketed
Window
For now."
It's not winter right now, but this is how I feel. I love doing, going, loving, doing actions; but in all of these actions, watching and observing. Creating new things to reflect on in the future.
Summer 2011, I have no clue what you have in store for me. What people I will meet. What opprotunities I will have. But I'm ready to watch and act on what is planned.
Chrissy Z
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