***I don't know what I ate before bed, but I had one of the coolest dreams I've ever had in a long time. It goes something like this:
I found myself on a ship in the ocean, and not underneath the sky; but in some sort of contained place. You couldn't tell it was contained by looking up except that you just sensed it had to end somewhere-plus the sky was colored as cardboard. The ocean itself was more than just your average blue, it actually had alot of different colors that, for some reason, I felt very emotionally attatched to. Each color affected my emotions in different ways. It was very strange. But soon it all made sense.
I was gripping for my life to the ship's mast, since the waves were tugging and pulling the ship in so many directions. I was feeling sick and scared and on top of it I remember my head really hurt too. I didn't know where I was going or what I was here for, but I just couldn't help but worry sick about all these different emotionally- associated colors of the ocean.
Suddenly, a light appeared. I could not define or distinguish the light, or what was in it, but it shined brighter than anything I had ever seen. It was almost blinding. The longer I stared at the light, the less I thought about the colors of the ocean. A voice then spoke from the light. It was calm, comforting, accepting, welcoming.
"Here is the shore ahead. Sail your ship into it."
Almost effortlessly I did, frightened by what kind of power the Light had over me if I did not.
For a moment we looked into eachother- a long moment. I don't know what happened in that moment, but it was if we had become one. I could never be as beautiful as Him, but He was inside me now. (He was still a Light I could physically see, but I felt a warmth and light inside of myself as well.)
He saw my hurting, He saw my worry, and He saw my brokeness. I knew He did. And I didn't know how to feel about this kind of exposure at first.
"Come with me." He reached out His hand. I don't really understand how I was able to take hold of His hand since He was literally Light, but I still felt His grasp in my palm.
He waved His other hand over the colored sea before us, and suddenly; it was split into two halves, a clean and narrow path down the middle of the ocean.
"Nothing can hurt You. Let's walk."
I took my chances and trusted Him. I looked at the oceans around me, amazed as what He at done; not believing any of this was real-- but it felt so real at the same time.
He had noticed me observing the currents surrounding us, but not touching us. "Daughter, this is an ocean of your thoughts. Each wave is one thought from your mind. They pull you and grab at You in every which way. But if you continue to let me guide you and if you come with me, I will part the seas of Your thoughts and make a way to peace in your heart."
I got one last look into the light before I woke up.
***This was not an actual dream I had
Sunday, January 27, 2013
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Dear *,
Finals are tomorrow, but luckily I only have one "serious" final. So instead of studying, I'm going to write some confessions out. I'm not going to address who these confessions are to, and I'm going to be very vague. I actually don't know the purpose of writing these confessions but oh well. So here we go.
Dear *, You helped me tremendously today. You stayed with me really late to make sure I was okay- and I was, especially because you were making sure I was! You are such an inspiration in my life and I will always put you as my number one role model.
Dear *, today we stood and said no words at first, but eventually you spoke up. It wasn't even something super deep or meaningful, but just the fact you started the conversation meant the world to me. I always feel like I am the one trying to engage people and ask enough questions to get people to talk, but you initiated the conversation. Thank you so much, I hope I meet more people like you with such a friendly characteristic. I even sort of hope one day we can talk once again!
Dear *, You literally will never understand how much you mean to me, because you don't speak English :). But, just by us looking at eachother I have to wonder if you understand my love for you. The kind of fondness you and I share is one I actually see as a metaphor. You will never know how much I love you, you'll never understand. And this is how God looks at us as well. Thanks for always automatically making me smile right as I walk through the door. I never thought someone like you would have such an effect on my life, but you have; and you'll always have a part of my heart.
Dear *, Thank you for being there for everyone. Thank you for being such a good authority figure, and for being such a helper. Thank you for being so Godly.
Dear *, thank you for practicing putting the last first.
Dear *, thank you for having such a shining light in your spirit. Your kindness made my whole day brighter, along with your innocence and helping heart. Thank you for your gift as well.
Dear *, thank you for taking time to sit with me and ask how I was doing, more than once. I secretly love it when you ask me how I'm doing, or even when we talk. I genuinely enjoy it. You seem quiet, which is awesome. But thank you for asking me how I'm doing, and for sitting by me even when you didn't know me that well. I want to know you well.
Dear *, thank you for taking time to sit with me and asking how I was doing, more than once. Your submissiveness and heart is so pure and genuine, and I sincerely wish there were more people in the world like you. You are such a good person, and I also love that you are trying to figure out faith and who God truly is. And that you are honest about it. I pray that you know that you have a super awesome purpose and that there should be more people in the world like you. Your smile rocks too!!
Dear *, thank you for your pure kindness and your understanding ways. You are one of the nicest and most awesome mentors I've ever had.
Dear *, I'm not sure if we've met yet, but let me introduce myself in case we haven't. I'm Chrissy, well my full name is Christina but I'm mostly called Chrissy. I don't know your name, but I'm sure it sounds like a song and has a certain cadence to it. And I'm sure our names harmonize perfectly along with everything else inside of us. Maybe not perfectly, but purposely- meaning, we have purpose. We fit together. I'm so excited for us to become a triangle, us being the two bottom corners and God being the top corner. I'm excited to go on drives and show you songs that remind me of you. I'm excited to share the world with you. I'm excited to share life with you. I'm excited to meet you.
Dear God, thank you for all these people. There are so many other people I am thankful for, and You know who they are. But thank You for these little moments, big moments, and everything in between that I have shared with these amazing people. I love them, but I love them because I love You; actually, because You love me.
Love, Chrissy
Dear *, You helped me tremendously today. You stayed with me really late to make sure I was okay- and I was, especially because you were making sure I was! You are such an inspiration in my life and I will always put you as my number one role model.
Dear *, today we stood and said no words at first, but eventually you spoke up. It wasn't even something super deep or meaningful, but just the fact you started the conversation meant the world to me. I always feel like I am the one trying to engage people and ask enough questions to get people to talk, but you initiated the conversation. Thank you so much, I hope I meet more people like you with such a friendly characteristic. I even sort of hope one day we can talk once again!
Dear *, You literally will never understand how much you mean to me, because you don't speak English :). But, just by us looking at eachother I have to wonder if you understand my love for you. The kind of fondness you and I share is one I actually see as a metaphor. You will never know how much I love you, you'll never understand. And this is how God looks at us as well. Thanks for always automatically making me smile right as I walk through the door. I never thought someone like you would have such an effect on my life, but you have; and you'll always have a part of my heart.
Dear *, Thank you for being there for everyone. Thank you for being such a good authority figure, and for being such a helper. Thank you for being so Godly.
Dear *, thank you for practicing putting the last first.
Dear *, thank you for having such a shining light in your spirit. Your kindness made my whole day brighter, along with your innocence and helping heart. Thank you for your gift as well.
Dear *, thank you for taking time to sit with me and ask how I was doing, more than once. I secretly love it when you ask me how I'm doing, or even when we talk. I genuinely enjoy it. You seem quiet, which is awesome. But thank you for asking me how I'm doing, and for sitting by me even when you didn't know me that well. I want to know you well.
Dear *, thank you for taking time to sit with me and asking how I was doing, more than once. Your submissiveness and heart is so pure and genuine, and I sincerely wish there were more people in the world like you. You are such a good person, and I also love that you are trying to figure out faith and who God truly is. And that you are honest about it. I pray that you know that you have a super awesome purpose and that there should be more people in the world like you. Your smile rocks too!!
Dear *, thank you for your pure kindness and your understanding ways. You are one of the nicest and most awesome mentors I've ever had.
Dear *, I'm not sure if we've met yet, but let me introduce myself in case we haven't. I'm Chrissy, well my full name is Christina but I'm mostly called Chrissy. I don't know your name, but I'm sure it sounds like a song and has a certain cadence to it. And I'm sure our names harmonize perfectly along with everything else inside of us. Maybe not perfectly, but purposely- meaning, we have purpose. We fit together. I'm so excited for us to become a triangle, us being the two bottom corners and God being the top corner. I'm excited to go on drives and show you songs that remind me of you. I'm excited to share the world with you. I'm excited to share life with you. I'm excited to meet you.
Dear God, thank you for all these people. There are so many other people I am thankful for, and You know who they are. But thank You for these little moments, big moments, and everything in between that I have shared with these amazing people. I love them, but I love them because I love You; actually, because You love me.
Love, Chrissy
Wednesday, January 16, 2013
The Power of Life and Death
Here's a riddle: what holds the power of life and death, but at the same time; is not as powerful as we think?
Words.
Words have been a huge theme in my life lately. God's really been showing me how much power words hold, and then he has also showed me how much power they do not hold.
The idea of "gossip" has been thrown my way a lot lately. Thankfully I have not experienced or dealt with it presently, but rather; I have been learning to identify what is and isn't gossip; and how it is preventable but if played with too much, it cannot be fixed. Imagine ripping open a pillow at the top of a building and letting all the feathers fly in every which way. Now imagine the challenge of trying to collect all the feathers again. Pretty difficult, right? You can't. This is the same thing with words. You can't collect them back. You can't undo them. You can ask for forgiveness, but those words will leave an imprint on someone's memory forever. These words hold power.
But there are positive and wonderful words that hold power, too. Words of encouragement, words of God, words of love, hold much more power than gossiping or negativity or slandering words can. Because, words of love can overtake words of hate and pain; in the process of forgiveness. But words of hate and negativity cannot defeat words of love. It may seem or feel that way, but it is never the case- I promise. If the love you put in your words is real and true... if it is God's love... than it can do and conquer anything. You will really never know how much a simple statement of encouragement could mean to someone. It could save someone's life-- many stories have been told where someone was on the brink of suicide, but because someone encouraged them in some way; they are still living today. These words hold MORE power.
"The tongue holds the power of life and death..." -Proverbs 18:21
But, there are other times where words can only get so far. But I mean this in a different way. It is true that words of negativity and words of love hold power, immense power- but words themselves cannot make you physically see things. It can make you imagine things, it can help you to picture things, and it can make you feel things; but you cannot physically see things by hearing words.
You know exactly what I am talking about, don't you? God.
Words in scripture are the foundation of what we believe in as Christ followers. We use verses to back up why we believe in Jesus Christ as our savior. We show God's love through our words as well. Heck, look what I'm doing right now- I'm using my words to convey a point. But my words can only get so far.
"You keep saying that... you keep saying 'my words can only get so far.' So what do you mean?"
What I mean is that words are human. God is not human. Humans have questions that consist of words- and they especially have questions about God.
And- you guessed it- God is not human.
We can't always classify, prove, or label God with human words. They aren't powerful or meaningful enough. This is where real faith comes in.
Real faith isn't made up of words. It consists of trust, hope, pure belief, and the ability to rely on things you cannot see. I am sorry to say that we do not have all the answers to every question about Christianity, God, the world. (He does, but again; He is not human, so our human minds won't always be able to wrap around His answers.) What we have is what we know to be true- so, a collection of words. But the rest is faith. The rest is belief and confidence in something you cannot see.
No, God's not scientific. Faith isn't 100% logical, and the love of Christ can't be boxed down into an equation. And it is because it is not from humans. It is not man-made. It is from God.
Words are powerful, but God is the most powerful.
Words.
Words have been a huge theme in my life lately. God's really been showing me how much power words hold, and then he has also showed me how much power they do not hold.
The idea of "gossip" has been thrown my way a lot lately. Thankfully I have not experienced or dealt with it presently, but rather; I have been learning to identify what is and isn't gossip; and how it is preventable but if played with too much, it cannot be fixed. Imagine ripping open a pillow at the top of a building and letting all the feathers fly in every which way. Now imagine the challenge of trying to collect all the feathers again. Pretty difficult, right? You can't. This is the same thing with words. You can't collect them back. You can't undo them. You can ask for forgiveness, but those words will leave an imprint on someone's memory forever. These words hold power.
But there are positive and wonderful words that hold power, too. Words of encouragement, words of God, words of love, hold much more power than gossiping or negativity or slandering words can. Because, words of love can overtake words of hate and pain; in the process of forgiveness. But words of hate and negativity cannot defeat words of love. It may seem or feel that way, but it is never the case- I promise. If the love you put in your words is real and true... if it is God's love... than it can do and conquer anything. You will really never know how much a simple statement of encouragement could mean to someone. It could save someone's life-- many stories have been told where someone was on the brink of suicide, but because someone encouraged them in some way; they are still living today. These words hold MORE power.
"The tongue holds the power of life and death..." -Proverbs 18:21
But, there are other times where words can only get so far. But I mean this in a different way. It is true that words of negativity and words of love hold power, immense power- but words themselves cannot make you physically see things. It can make you imagine things, it can help you to picture things, and it can make you feel things; but you cannot physically see things by hearing words.
You know exactly what I am talking about, don't you? God.
Words in scripture are the foundation of what we believe in as Christ followers. We use verses to back up why we believe in Jesus Christ as our savior. We show God's love through our words as well. Heck, look what I'm doing right now- I'm using my words to convey a point. But my words can only get so far.
"You keep saying that... you keep saying 'my words can only get so far.' So what do you mean?"
What I mean is that words are human. God is not human. Humans have questions that consist of words- and they especially have questions about God.
And- you guessed it- God is not human.
We can't always classify, prove, or label God with human words. They aren't powerful or meaningful enough. This is where real faith comes in.
Real faith isn't made up of words. It consists of trust, hope, pure belief, and the ability to rely on things you cannot see. I am sorry to say that we do not have all the answers to every question about Christianity, God, the world. (He does, but again; He is not human, so our human minds won't always be able to wrap around His answers.) What we have is what we know to be true- so, a collection of words. But the rest is faith. The rest is belief and confidence in something you cannot see.
No, God's not scientific. Faith isn't 100% logical, and the love of Christ can't be boxed down into an equation. And it is because it is not from humans. It is not man-made. It is from God.
Words are powerful, but God is the most powerful.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Happy New Year...& Month, Week, Day, Minute, and Second.
I have to wonder what God thinks of humanity's labels on time. What I mean is, what does of He think of us diving time into sections of years? Months? Weeks? Days? Hours? Minutes, and seconds? I would think He doesn't think "At 3 o clock, I am going to make it rain."
Not to say he doesn't think about every single detail, and not to say that He doesn't take into consideration that we humans DO think in these divisions and labels of time; but I wouldn't think He Himself thinks, "It's 2013! Happy new year." But then maybe He would. He knew that someone was going to put a numerical label on a certain amount of time- He created that person.
Now that I'm done babbling, I guess I am just thinking how interesting it is that humans think January 1st is the official day to start over. Why couldn't you start over last summer? Why couldn't you start over yesterday? It's not bad that you didn't, it's just funny that humans resolve themselves on a specific day. We celebrate changing numbers every year, the changing number on the end of the "year" label.
What if we celebrated every changing minute? "It's 3:30! Happy new minute!" And one minute later, "It's 3:31!! Happy new minute!!" It's a crazy thought, and it might get really annoying to hear people celebrating every changing minute (let's just think about if we celebrated every changing second- hah!); but maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
Maybe we don't have to literally yell out loud the fact that we are currently in a new minute, but what if we celebrated life ALL the time- ALL of life's moments? What if we lived in the moment everyday like we live in the moment once the clock hits 12:00 on New Year's Day?
That would mean celebrating every KIND of moment- the good, the bad, and... the ugly, and the beautiful; because- in the end- they are all God's moments.
And it can be really hard to think about the fact that all the moments are God's moments. Especially moments where we find pride in something we accomplished on our own (or so we would like to think), or in the moments that make us forget God's presence and, once remembering His presence, only make us frustrated or upset with Him.
I know I have experienced both these moments in 2012- probably more than once.
But no matter how I have felt, whether I have wept, yelled, laughed, shook my head, jumped, smiled, feared, hid, or sang; He was always there. Always.
Tonight some friends of mine gathered around, had a good time, and then prayed for the new year. (Yes, I have very awesome friends.) We remembered the hard times and the great times, we wondered why God let certain things happen but knew in our hearts that He is powerful and knows what He is doing. We proclaimed Him ruler and holder of all things.
And that is enough. It's amazing to think that the chunk of the next 365 days is in His hands, too. And the next chunk, and the next chunk, and the next.
Happy new year, and happy new minute, and second; because God is in every moment and that is something to celebrate.
Not to say he doesn't think about every single detail, and not to say that He doesn't take into consideration that we humans DO think in these divisions and labels of time; but I wouldn't think He Himself thinks, "It's 2013! Happy new year." But then maybe He would. He knew that someone was going to put a numerical label on a certain amount of time- He created that person.
Now that I'm done babbling, I guess I am just thinking how interesting it is that humans think January 1st is the official day to start over. Why couldn't you start over last summer? Why couldn't you start over yesterday? It's not bad that you didn't, it's just funny that humans resolve themselves on a specific day. We celebrate changing numbers every year, the changing number on the end of the "year" label.
What if we celebrated every changing minute? "It's 3:30! Happy new minute!" And one minute later, "It's 3:31!! Happy new minute!!" It's a crazy thought, and it might get really annoying to hear people celebrating every changing minute (let's just think about if we celebrated every changing second- hah!); but maybe it wouldn't be so bad.
Maybe we don't have to literally yell out loud the fact that we are currently in a new minute, but what if we celebrated life ALL the time- ALL of life's moments? What if we lived in the moment everyday like we live in the moment once the clock hits 12:00 on New Year's Day?
That would mean celebrating every KIND of moment- the good, the bad, and... the ugly, and the beautiful; because- in the end- they are all God's moments.
And it can be really hard to think about the fact that all the moments are God's moments. Especially moments where we find pride in something we accomplished on our own (or so we would like to think), or in the moments that make us forget God's presence and, once remembering His presence, only make us frustrated or upset with Him.
I know I have experienced both these moments in 2012- probably more than once.
But no matter how I have felt, whether I have wept, yelled, laughed, shook my head, jumped, smiled, feared, hid, or sang; He was always there. Always.
Tonight some friends of mine gathered around, had a good time, and then prayed for the new year. (Yes, I have very awesome friends.) We remembered the hard times and the great times, we wondered why God let certain things happen but knew in our hearts that He is powerful and knows what He is doing. We proclaimed Him ruler and holder of all things.
And that is enough. It's amazing to think that the chunk of the next 365 days is in His hands, too. And the next chunk, and the next chunk, and the next.
Happy new year, and happy new minute, and second; because God is in every moment and that is something to celebrate.
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