Red Trees breaking out of our Eyes

Epiphany:

The hardest person on myself? Me.


why? Because I am aware of all the mistakes i've made in my life. In the depths of my heart, the only person who knows of every mistake and wrong that I've made or done is me.

and God. and the funny thing is, He forgave me a LONG time ago. the only person who hasn't forgiven myself is me. and I am starting to think I'm not the only one living like this.

I feel like we are all born on this Earth, with red eyes. they're red because we come out of our mother's womb, wailing, with no idea what's going on, trying to figure out how to breathe and just crying with no knowledge. whenever we cry, our eyes get red; whenever we cry, and emotion triggers something in our system that makes our eyes swell and mask themselves with thin branches of red. we are continuously looking for hope, trying to figure out how to breathe, with innocent eyes that turn red and burn because of the sights they have witnessed.


excuse me for pulling out two switchfoot songs yet again, but on the album "Hello Hurricane" by them the very last song on the album is 'Red Eyes.' It goes something like this,

What are you waiting for, the day is gone?
I said I'm waiting for dawn
What are you aiming for out here alone?
I said I'm aiming for home

Holding on...
With red eyes what are you looking for?"


When our eyes tear up, our vision gets all blurry and it's difficult to see. But it's strange, because after I cry sometimes, my eyes feel so relaxed and relieved to see the tears gone; or maybe it was the tears that actually comforted my eyes? I don't know. But I feel that way with hardships, too. Reflecting on some from the past, I look back and really think how comforting it is to be on this end of the "fight" now. I've learned many things, including one: I still have many things to learn. But if I didn't search for hope, or pray for it, there wouldn't be a chance of any survival.

But after this song on the HH album, it goes into this song called "Needle and Haystack life."

"In this Needle and Haystack life, I found miracles there in your eyes. It's not accident we're here tonight, we are once in a lifetime."

When we get Red Eyes, just know that those Red Eyes might mean the WORLD to someone else. There's a reason you're in the posistion you're in, it's not accident you're here tonight... you were made in the image of God, you're once in a lifetime. Someone is looking into your eyes, thinking: "There are miracles that are going to be born soon, if not already born." Where there's red in your eyes, you are searching for something. You'll find it soon. You'll find what you need to find soon. And who knows? Someone could be looking in your eyes, without you even being aware of it, thinking: "Wow. Look at the miracles in there."

Don't lose hope, keep searching for it; even if your eyes are masked with red.

we are daisies;

and that's all I really know.


seriously. what do I mean by this? I mean, I've come to the conclusion that I don't know anything. Really. Well, I know some things. Like I know God is love, and vice versa. and I know He is here. existant. and I know that I'm trying to live a life for Him, of Him.

but, that's it.

what are you talking about? you know what you learn in school. right?

I don't know. do I? honestly, I forget half of the stuff I learn and shove it 85%of what I learn to the back of my mind and think "I won't need this when I'm a writer." or anything in my life, for some of what I learn.

other things I don't know: everything.

I don't know how amazingly good I've got it. I don't know if what I'm doing is right. I don't know if I make the right decisions. I don't know if the way I am living my life is what really is best for others, and then me.

and then there's the stuff I REALLY don't know, like I don't know if my dad will heal. I don't know when the world will end. I don't know alot of the stuff Revelations talks about. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know zulch about politics. I don't know if I should be quiet or try to say something. I don't know.

I lack knowledge. So much. Humans, including myself, think we have advanced so much since... the beginning of time. we have. but we are so far from everything. I don't even want to THINK about knowing everything.

I guess what I'm really tired of is opinions. and the insertion of "i" at the beginning of every sentence. yep, I'm a hypocrite; and I'll tell you why. because in 8th grade, I had a friend who was fed up with people. she said out loud, "maybe if pepole just stop saying sentences with "I" or "me" in it."

okay, maybe not opinions in themsleves, but just constant "I<--- think.." and all this stuff. shouldn't we consider other people's thoughts? Connells class, seventh period. we looked over a saying of Voltaire:
"I disagree strongly with what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." we discussed it, and I brought up the point that often in life it's the quiet ones who have the more righteous thing to say.

which is hard for me to hear considering how much I talk and how I'm not afraid to say how I feel. but let me clarify: I like talking about how I feel, or why I do something, but I like to keep my opinions personal. or, like with politics, not have an opinion at all.

which leads me right back to:

I. know. nothing.

except what I said.

and that I'm a daisy-- we all are. we're just daisies growing in a garden, God's garden. gosh, we grow some weeds sometimes, actually alot of times; but God knows we're not perfect. that's why He came to Earth--that's why it rains-- because we need His love to pour on us, without it we are nothing.

you can also look at the storm clouds like a trial. yet, the rain that pours from the clouds make us grow. it's quite inevitable.

"Daisy, why another day?
Why another sunrise
Who will take the blame
For all redemptive motion
And every rainy day?
When He gives Himself away.
let it go, Daisy let it go. Open up your fist this fallen world
it doesn't own your interest, it doesn't own your soul
Daisy
let it go."
--Switchfoot

and this, my friends, is all I really know