I don't like the phrase "fitting in". Think about it in a literal sense. Little kids often play with that 'fit the shape in the associated frame' toy. The shape has to fit the exact frame of the hole. If it doesn't, it can't go into the hole.
I don't want to fit in. I don't want a frame or a hole-shape to dictate who I am or how I act.
However, I do struggle with wanting to feel accepted.
Along with wanting to be talked to. Wanting attention. Wanting someone to want me to be with them.
It's sad because I have all of these things, but I don't have it with everyone.
But here is what I've learned:
through out high school I have noticed people who go off by themselves and then complain how they don't feel accepted or wanted. Truthfully, you must make an effort to include yourself. You have to include yourself, and then others will too. Acceptance is a two-way street.
But then, I started my freshman year of college. A handful of my close friends moved away, and I transitioned into a new flow of people. Now I completely understand what the previous people felt like. You want to make an effort to include and introduce yourself, but you are either scared or lazy. At least, that's how I've felt.
I want to make an effort, but I am scared people won't consider what I say. I want to make an effort, but I am lazy and wish people would already be making an effort towards me. (By the way, someone might be trying to make an effort towards you, but you just haven't realized it yet. Try looking at things at a different perspective: that might be something I've done wrong before, too.)
And then I remember: acceptance is a two way street.
And then I also remember: acceptance from others is a nice feeling, but acceptance of myself is the greatest feeling of all.
"I'll make the effort next time, I promise. Next time, no matter how lonely I feel or how outside I look, I will make an effort to include myself..."
Maybe another thing to consider would be your part in making others feel accepted. Now that I know this feeling well, what can I do to help others not feel this way? Whether it's reaching out to people younger than you, or even people who don't look like they have a friend, you could change their life simply by including them or asking how they are doing and fully listening.
I feel unresolved because I haven't been making a good effort to include myself lately. This is a two way street and I might have only been driving one way.
Time to make a U-turn.
