Monday, February 17, 2014

A King's Hiding Place

He didn't think anyone would find out about what he did. He figured, it would be our little secret. Just between me and her. But he could still feel a cold breeze over his shoulder... someone, or something, was watching him when he did it. When he committed the action, and then the next action that followed. When he took that first glance, that was so much more than just a glance... it was just a look, no big deal. At least that was what he thought to himself.

All I did was look, and try to erase the evidence. But now with the news she brought forth, it was impossible. He shivered at the thought of what the future held. Just a glance. That was all...

There was a knock, knock at the door. He almost jumped, he was so deep in thought- like listening to music being interrupted by a loud clang. "Yes, who goes there?" he hesitantly replied.

"Sir Nathan, my lord," his doorman replied.

"Nathan...?" he replied.

"He says he has an urgent story to tell you."

He had no idea the spectrum of good or bad the story could bring, but he had to find out. "Let him in," he called out.

The giant door perched open, and Nathan walked in, a disappointed look on his face- more frustrated than saddened. "Hello King," Nathan greeted.

"Hello. What is this story I hear you have for me?"

Nathan sighed and corrected him. "It's much more than just a story.

"You see, there was a rich man and a poor man. The rich man had many animals, sheep and cattle. The poor man had one small lamb he was only able to buy on pure luck. This lamb grew up with the poor man's children, and he held this lamb in his arms like his own daughter. The rich man invited a traveler over for dinner, and prepared the poor man's little sheep instead of one of his many animals. He took the poor man's only property to his name, when he all as much sheep and cattle to last him his life."

The king was enraged. His heart beat fast with anger. He felt revenge heating the tips of his fingers. "Who is this man you speak of?! Where is he?!" He almost completely forgot about the guilt he was attempting to resolve before Nathan walked in.

That was, until Nathan replied:

"King, the rich man is in this very room." Nathan huffed and his face tightened. "You are he."

The king threw himself out of his chair. "What are these false claims you make!? Lying is forbidden in my kingdom and in the eyes of the Lord, especially to your king! What do you have to say for yourself?"


"My lord, listen. You are the rich man. You have a beautiful kingdom, and anything you'd like at the snap of your fingers. Everything is yours. But the one thing that wasn't fully yours, the one thing that Uriah could call his own. You had to take it away. You had to let your eyes dwell on the one thing that was his. You had to call upon his wife, to be yours. And then, to make matters worse, you had the negligence to attempt to erase the evidence. And when that didn't work, you decided to erase the person the evidence mattered to the most. You erased Uriah.

Well, you can't erase the Lord's will or consequences on you for what you've done. You killed Uriah with a sword. And now, the sword will never depart from your house- it will never leave your sight."

Tears blurred the king's vision as rapid thoughts blurred the king's focus. His heart beat at the pace his thoughts were circulating. What had he done?

"I have sinned against the Lord," the king choked.

_____________________________________________________

The king had been hunched over in the same position from the time Nathan had left. He couldn't believe he had been discovered.

Then he thought to himself, of course he had been. That chill he had felt over his shoulder wasn't anyone physically watching him. And it wasn't Nathan telling him this parable which he lived as reality. God was speaking, Himself, through this things.

His face buried in his hands. He could already feel the burden of the pain of his consequences he was to face. He realized he committed so many sins at once- theft, murder, deception. How could the Lord ever forgive him? He had to ask. But in a sense, he already knew the answer.

The king was very special in how he prayed, though. He often felt God in strumming his harp and found God by wording his heart into lines of poetry. He had to ask in this same way.

He didn't want a scribe to write this for him. This was between him and God only this time. He searched around for the nearest writing utensil, and the cleanest thing to write on. And he began.

"

Have mercy on me, O God,
    according to your unfailing love;
according to your great compassion
    blot out my transgressions.
Wash away all my iniquity
    and cleanse me from my sin.
For I know my transgressions,
    and my sin is always before me.
Against you, you only, have I sinned
    and done what is evil in your sight;
so you are right in your verdict
    and justified when you judge.
Surely I was sinful at birth,
    sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;
    you taught me wisdom in that secret place.
Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;
    wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
Let me hear joy and gladness;
    let the bones you have crushed rejoice.
Hide your face from my sins
    and blot out all my iniquity.
10 Create in me a pure heart, O God,
    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.
11 Do not cast me from your presence
    or take your Holy Spirit from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation
    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.
13 Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
    so that sinners will turn back to you.
14 Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God,
    you who are God my Savior,
    and my tongue will sing of your righteousness.
15 Open my lips, Lord,
    and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
    you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
17 My sacrifice, O God, is[b] a broken spirit;
    a broken and contrite heart
    you, God, will not despise.
18 May it please you to prosper Zion,
    to build up the walls of Jerusalem.
19 Then you will delight in the sacrifices of the righteous,
    in burnt offerings offered whole;
    then bulls will be offered on your altar."

And at the bottom he wrote,

A Psalm of David. 

TO himself he thought,

"A prayer, question, light of hope beyond the walls of guilt and misery... of David"






Biblical references: 2 Samuel 12, Psalm 51

Sunday, February 9, 2014

Here's to the Memories

I found the letter that you never read
The birthday card you never signed
The laughter, hope, friendship, GOOD
all of those that you left behind

The approval that I never felt
The efforts that you didn't see
The cold stares that would never melt
The heart that you once gave to me

Opinions that would never match
The relationship that never became
Yet somehow I can't dis-attach
Yet somehow I'm the one to blame

I feel shut down, closed off, when you're near
Yet I just can't seem to stay away
I'll let you speak your views oh dear
But of course mine are just child's play

I am too innocent, don't know as much
Praise to your dear wisdom and knowledge, right?
Then tell me, even though I feel closed off by you
why I have cared about you for 5 years tonight?

And why is it that my attempts now
Are about as bullet proof as I am to your gun?
I guess you're more appealing than me,
I guess you just seem more fun

My whole heart is entangled for you all.
I love you with a love I can't explain.
I sit here and get beaten for being myself,
and still this love I can't contain.

Maybe it's time to close up shop.
Maybe it's time I move out of town.
Hope on a plane, out of state of of mind
Find new stars to watch and be around.

So I still haven't told you where all these things are
That never happened, that you never did.
I have to admit, it was hard to see them
It's a pretty dark place, where they all hid.

But once I held them to the light,
and saw what worth and value they were-
I saw there wasn't any, not to my heart-
I saw it was time to mature.

What I value and need is love and encouragement,
which I understand everyone gives in different ways.
But I need to know and believe in our love
and I need to know it for all my days.

There are people out there who really love me
people who really do care
I would like to think you're all in that same group
But if I'm not sure, than I won't dare.

i KNOW you do. I really do.
I guess it can often be blurred
By the constant shutdowns and shoos and more
I'm surprised this heart has endured...

I am grateful for you, and you and you
and I will always love you so.
But unless I FEEL love come this way
I don't think our friendships will grow.

Please call me if you want to hang out.
Please write, or talk, or respond.
I'll be on a boat, sailing afloat
My God-blessed friendships pond.

It's a beautiful place where I feel very loved
by friends who encourage and engage.
I never feel undermined, unwanted, or such;
I never feel pushed or enraged.

God has your heart, and He has mine.
I always pray the best for you all.
I love you all with my entire heart.
If you ever want a piece of it, just call.