"Tomorrow's Song"

Tomorrow's Song
_______________
I want to live tomorrow
Stop feeling drowned in sorrow
But the silver lining’s gone.

Because I can only see
Silver oceans in front of me
Weaving out an old familiar song:
(chorus)
Dreamer, dancer, singer, chancer
Do all those things today
Soon your balloon of opportunity will uncut from your wrist
And surely fly away

The balloon’s in a tree
Yelling “minstrels! Set me free!”
Please don’t feel so wrong!

Climb up in it’s leaves
And befriend all it’s thieves
And sing to it tomorrow’s song!
(chorus)

So I won’t settle for
Waiting around for my time to say
“It’s ready, open the door”
I say, I’ll open the door today!!

But the reason, we sing tomorrow’s song
Is to keep the hope going fresh and new
So keep singing, and keep bringing
All the faith and life you have inside of you!!!
(chorus)

when flowers gaze at you, they're not the only ones

"Boston" By Augustana.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ASJBXu8tNo

In the light of the sun, is there anyone? Oh it has begun...
Oh dear you look so lost, eyes are red and tears are shed,
This world you must've crossed... you said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
You said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

Essential yet appealed, carry all your thoughts across
An open field,
When flowers gaze at you... they're not the only ones who cry
When they see you
You said...

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah,
You said
You don't know me, and you don't wear my chains... oh yeah,

She said I think I'll go to Boston...
I think I'll start a new life,
I think I'll start it over, where no one knows my name,
I'll get out of California, I'm tired of the weather,
I think I'll get a lover and fly him out to Spain...
Oh yeah and I think I'll go to Boston,
I think that I'm just tired
I think I need a new town, to leave this all behind...
I think I need a sunrise, I'm tired of the sunset,
I hear it's nice in the Summer, some snow would be nice... oh yeah,

You don't know me, you don't even care, oh yeah...

Boston... where no one knows my name... yeah
Where no one knows my name...
Where no one knows my name...
Boston...
No one knows my name.
_________________________________________________

i don't think i'd want to go to boston though. i don't mind chino hills. but i yearn for somewhere new. somewhere by the beach maybe. or with lots of green. i need a change of scenery. some new form of excitement. meet someone new. meet someones new. i refuse to ask anyone to change unless they know what they need to change. why would i do that when i have so many things to change within myself? a change of direction. sure, there are variables in my life that will never change. like certain friends, my family, and God. but life, life is so temporary. those variables are the only things that are not. everything else, i see things sparking change within other things, and i think maybe it's a call. "Hello Chrissy. i am giving you tests. and if you pass you can move on. then things will change. always for the better, i tell you; even if it seems like it's for the worse. new people will enter. old people will re-enter. you will start spending weekday nights elsewhere maybe. or maybe you'll stay. but I've got it all under control, my daughter. as for now take these words and pray for others. and for yourself."

i think God lives in Boston... i think God lives everywhere

mushing musings

should i start this post off with a question?

monday musings.

one. to be, or not to be? to write, or not to write and sing instead? to study the bible, or to write and not sing instead? that is the question. journalism, or not to journalism and choir instead? choir, or not to choir and bible class instead? what does HE want.

two. why does canned laughter on television shows exist. really. these kids watch disneychannel thinking if they say or do something funny then HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA everyone's gonna laugh. then they go out and try to imitate disneychannel and they get made fun of instead. from experience my friends.

three. feelings, attractions in general,are like roller coasters. at first your roller coaster starts out slow, nice and easy. then it completley stops. then you feel all your feelings at full impact, slapping every part and centimeter in and out of your body. i think that's teenage hormones in general. but attraction, yes.

four. you make us compare and contrast in school, as a teenage i took this and did it to myself ! i make life a venn diagram with other individuals ! but little do i see that in the part of the diagram we share there is a word written down: "jealousy." (it might be leaning more towards my fraction of the diagram though.)

five. i even go to the extent of drawing a venn diagram of my life with the movies.

six. word of God speak, would you pour down like rain?

seven. PsAlMs haha when i was little i got "psalms" and "palm sunday" mixed up.

and should i end this post off with a question?

all it takes is a

i felt more love from a girl i had a brief encounter with in the high school bathroom then i did from of the people i've known for YEARS.

all it takes is a "how are you?" and one that actually means they want to listen.

All the World's a Stage...his acts being seven ages. -William Shakespeare

It's quite funny:

(actually it's not funny at all but for some reason i feel a need to start this entry off this way.)

I have friends who i often look at and think: wow, they get offended VERY easily. the littlest thing ticks them or makes them want to cry or curl up in a ball or yell or punch someone's face. and i remember thinking how foolish it was.

and now i am thinking, how funny how it's NOT funny that i probably do this more then them. get offended from the simplest corrections people make on me and little words i take hugely to heart. why? why can't i let things brush off my shoulder? why do i get jealous soo easily? why am i such a hypocrite? and most importantly why do i always bag on myself.

this is what's backstage. what i mean is, i'm learning that life is truly a stage. life is an act! you go out and say your lines, pretending like everything is okay or something or pretending everything is NOT okay or something. different motives make you act differently. there's points you get so into the story that God's unraveling for you your acting isn't acting anymore, it's real. a girl i know--- she doesn't act. she sincerley wants to help the poor & needy. it's the real deal. another girl, she's hurting. inside. deeply, emotionally. maybe it was acting once before. i don't think she knows if it was ever acting. but now, now it's real. now it really hurts. and she doesn't know what to do about it. she though the scar was fake blood. but now.

and backstage is where your closest people are, the people who know when you're acting and know when you're not. they know what's up. they're the stage crew for your life. they take the time to get you ready, and they give you pep talks and tell you good luck. and whether you come back crying or dancing or having to use the restroom they are your right hand-men to help at any given times. i'm learning in this life you need a good stage crew, meaning a great group of people who will be there for you no matter what. it's so crazy seeing who really is backstage and who really isn't. who is needed to be kept backstage and who i need to leave the door proped open for. "go get some fresh air, you know? maybe come back when you're ready to be a real help to this show. to this life. otherwise go focus on your other stages because i dont really feel your help here." i've felt that before too. being fired from someone's act. oh gosh how that's painful. it's painful firing someone too, one of the most painful things. but just to be fired, kicked out on the street until you find someone else willing to hire you. i am blessed enough to say that God has given me maybe stages to help set up and keep accountable for and has giving me an amazing beautiful stage crew to keep me accountable. but it's not easy, it's painful of course. that's life though, that's hollywood.

but gosh it's the craziest thing when you see the one element that NEVER leaves whether you're on the stage, or watching eagerly backstage, or wandering in the lonely streets of hollywood wondering where to go now.the element, ask any actor, is the motivations that keep you going; that keep you WANTING to act still. what IS that? in this life some call it faith, some call it nengkan, some just call it motivation in general. but in certain lives, it's called God. i should say He is called God.

and it's painful being corrected while you're on stage!! i know the real directors in my life and i know the people who think they're directors but really have no where else to go and just want an excuse to criticize people! those are the critics. they give you their star amount and a fraction of people will let those stars twinkle in their eyes and walk out the back door thinking "this show looks lame... it only got a 2 star rating." or heck maybe you'll give a 4 star rating and the audience is crowded, you're as popular as can be and everyone loves you! and somewhere in the audience there's that one special character who you always watch and never take your eyes off of-- you can't even if you tried. and they will come and go. but eventually, you know when you see hiim/her-- you think; "i want him/her back stage. i know he/she might be able to help me." so you'll let a few of them backstage, and yes they'll wreck a few things. they might turn off the lights at the wrong time or tear a few curtains on accident. but you forgive, and afterwards you find someone who spot on knows what you need. and without even lifting a finger they give you what you need to be the best actor you can be.

now i'm not saying your life is fake and you're just acting. sure there are times in your life where that is the case; but i am saying that your life is a STORY, a SCRIPT, written by something, someone bigger then we could ever imagine. and like i said, all these critics come in and try to direct the show but really they don't know what the heck is up because there's already somebody directing the show anyway. all of our shows in fact. He's the king of directors and script-writers. and many of his actors/actresses, well frankly they begin to fall in deep love with Him. not a romantic love-- like i said, that's for the one person they see in the audience that makes there acting complete. no, this kind of love is the love that you find in your favorite book. oh gosh, when you hit that last page, that last word, that last period. you turn to the back of the book and feel the soft smooth texture and after that you are always quoting it and always remembering it and always thinking "that story MEANS something." and you LOVE what it says, and what it proclaims to you, and how you're moved by it. that's the kind of love some people develop for the director.

but some people come to be frustrated with the director. gosh flabbit, He is sure making your story not fun or interesting or cool or easy.. sometimes the story is even kind of painful, upsetting, depressing, and heart-drenching. a fraction of those people look up to the director and say "what the hexagon are you doing with the story, you are SC-REWING it up. there is SO MUCH MORE that can be done and should be done to it. look at THAT person's play. so much more interesting, and easy..." and a fraction of THOSE people get so jealous of other people there story is not director-written anymore. it is of them sitting in a corner criticizing something in front of them, a fraction of THOSE people are sitting in front of a screen, either criticizing someone in the blue and white margins of facebook or the colorful but dull margins of television.

but who is respected, who seems to gain the most out of this life, this story, this play, at the end, at fin; is the ones who have the trying times in their play but still choose to fall in love with the director. the humble ones who try to make their acting, NOT acting as much as possible. the ones who are backstage often, trying to thank and stay connected and help the ones who come to help him/her. the ones who don't even see the stars people hang on their scripts like a Christmas tree. or maybe they do see the stars but they prefer to have no stars at all so they know when people come to see their show it's not based off a rating but rather the audience actually yearning to know the main character.

and then, the actor dies. their story ends. for some of them. but a fraction of the actors, my friends, do not just get burried in the walk of fame. they don't have a gravestone in the shape of a star on some street in hollywood, "look they have a piece of ROCK to symbolize their life." nope. some people rise, to a new kind of story. this story has a taste that is too sweet for our human tongues to touch. and the same director is directing it, and writing it. in fact He's not a mystery to you anymore. in your first story you couldn't see the director with your human eyes, he always remained a constant mystery to you. but in THIS story, He's not a mystery anymore. you get to hang out with him, talk to Him about your old story and other people's stories and this story that's happening now. but you have to wonder---is it even considered a story if it never has an ending? ♦